More Words

Problem with WordPress

2012-02-02T08:46:00.000-08:00

Couldn't get into my WordPress. Funny how a change of format, the look of a webpage can change your thoughts.
I'm on completely new hours now at St. Francis. Up at 7 a.m., breakfast, then out at 8 a.m. I usually go for a cup of coffee. Today I went to the post office to mail a letter to my aunt in Pennsylvania. The postal worker told me he would take care of it. I didn't need a stamp. I trust him. I think my neediness shows or that there is a psychic vibration.
Read a Sally Kempton article at Patheos. She is on to D.R.'s lesson 39, what if we were self-realized. I find myself bowing the head. You know, the bowing of the head? Gurumayi asked that in one of her tapes. I was not sure what she meant but considering all to be the Self, isn't that it? When you say it you, it is all my own love, all my own consciousness, you look at someone and in the mind there is the bow, your vision adjusts, biases disappear as does fear.
I have a collage of photos from my family album. So many pictures of me.
I would like to see pictures of Gurumayi from her family album.

Update

2012-02-01T08:11:00.000-08:00

Got some info on some health services I can avail myself of. They gave me a blood pressure test. That went well.
Applied to Lowe's yesterday, customer service/sales associate. Hope something happens there. Also, getting a strange vibe from Renaissance Printing to which I applied probably 6 or 7 years ago. A job there would be nice. They are employee owned.

Dear Phil

2012-01-18T06:38:00.001-08:00

O holy man, Mr. Goldberg.
Doesn't sound right. Maybe that's me.
Phil.
Your name is corrupted with Sgt. Bilko,
Phil Silvers played him.
I wonder if I could use a Sgt. Bilko now,
a con man who could pull strings, a scheister.
I would be caught up with, but don't those
con artist do some good sometimes, like Maverick.

You see I'm all old tv shows now.
I don't want strings pulled for me. I know
I share the guilt for whateve laws the con
man breaks if I benefit from them.
All those masters in Surat Shabd keep
dying. Is that why you brought the subject
up in class, instructor?
Death, our fear of it.
Kirpal had died while still alive.
I am reminded in recent reading that
when we die we lose loved ones. Mom
said in a contemplation her church buddies
had her write, that I would be what she would
miss should she die right then.
I wonder how you are, good teacher friend. I bet

your hair has turned white in parts.
You know I always wanted to follow your

tradition, Surat Shabd, but I have fallen in with

the Siddhas - Gurumayi.
What is different but the objects of worship and

how are those objects of worship different. I have

read of simran, mental repetition of the mantra,

but wouldn't that just be natural.
I like chanting. I still believe in that though my

beliefs have been shaken from all angles. I

question reincarnation, I don't sit and meditate. I

listen to the singing of hymn and mantra quite

regularly. I think if I ever got off on the sitting

meditation it was from the energy of others.
Now I am feeling paranoid, looking out for the

enemies of mantra and meditation. Maybe I had

been weak with meditation but then maybe I

didn't have the organization or structure I needed.

It isn't offered in school and I wonder if it would

be the hot subject like multi-media presentation

was when I started at SFC in 1971.
So, I still repeat a mantra though, with beads in a

whisper. Om Namah Shivaya.
The Siddhas have a center on the north side. Very

neat and clean, very circumspect.
Ah, but I am at St. Francis House, unemployed

and deeply in debt.

Like A Rolling Stone

2012-01-09T07:03:00.000-08:00

Here I am. I'm homeless.
United Way helped me with the 211.
I have no phone so I couldn't call.
They offered theirs. I drove out to
the place out by the Oaks Mall.
Called some shelters and they told
me I had to get police clearance and
I did.
Can connect with St. Francis House at
2 p.m and Salvation Army at 4.
Now I'm at the Alachua County Headquarters
Library on E. University Ave.

I'm AWARE

2011-12-31T10:05:00.000-08:00

I’m aware of some TV shows, some movies, TV programs, dimensions on political issues, spiritual issues, software, hardward, gadgets, life with the elderly.
In the impersonal Indian philosophy of Shankaracharya, correct me if this is not correct, awareness itself is viewed as God. I am grateful to Jackie Mott for making me aware of the elderly, also for reawakening my remembrance of tough love.
Her story on a child who died, 40 years old from things his elders were unable to keep him from, made me wonder if I am not viewed as such. Not drugs but money. Eddie Money, maybe. It's a joke, I know. School did not have a class, or a course of training, to teach me about money, me nor my peers. I often begged the drugs and concert going that were our lifestyle. When I went to Santa Fe Community College I let my parents pay the tuition. It was cheaper than the 4 year University of Florida and so I thought no problem, but as I got older, was turned away by my peers and had to live with my parents, I learned. Mom could have used financial aid to go to the community college. I reflect, did this illusion of a lack of need, help me get through, earn my Associates Degree? Then again I wonder, if I had had financial aid would it have freed up money in my parents account to let me go out to eat, date or even buy a decent car. Was it my thinking that school was easy that made it so? It was not easy at UF but my parents needed aid to send me there. It did not free up any money and I fell victim to my ego in those days I believe. I fell victim to my worship of the rock and roll and political idols of the day. It sounds like I am throwing them under a bus, I know, but I could not take hair cuts and perfect behavior very seriously. Maybe I should have never taken up smoking cigarettes. I think cigarettes make you cocky.
Now, my heroes and heroines tell me it is all MIND. This writing for hours my thoughts and reflections, on MIND. I can do it some, one course said, before or after meditation. This was an Intro to Meditation in Siddha Yoga. It is really an intro to contemplation. You must complete to get to the meditation. Sounds like a commentary on Christianity. When you finally get through with all your contemplation you can come to me and meditate.
I picked up the meditation course in Siddha Yoga at a bad time though, I have to tell you. It was after my mom died.
OK, that was just some things crossing my mind as I open up today at the library in KH. I'll fill you in on more.
Had a great dream where I found an old friend. His name was Dan Hawes. He was working at Chevron station in Gainesville. I was riding a motorcycle. Odd because I have a minimal knowledge of motorcycle riding. Either my mom or Jack Collins or bother were in the dream asking about Dan. Dan's hair was long. Very nice. It was obviously when he was younger. I was looking at my hair this morning and I wondered if I should not have more gray on top. I wondered if my lack of gray on top, I say on top because there is plenty of gray, though actually, I think, white in my sideburns, was because I had not had enough WORRY thanks to mom who let me stay at home and even gave me her car and put me on her credit cards. What an innocent thing I was and there I would have to blame my father because he wasn't a good father. He didn't care to get close to me. He didn't care when I refused his gifts and was cold to him He just acted surprised. I wonder now that he had not gone through it all with my older brother. I have to say that he just didn't care about these kids but just about his own survival and that's why he hung on to mom.
Enough now. We've told about the dream. A nice dream it was, really, full of nice common settings. The Gators even got into the dream, creaming some poor defenseless team in football. There was a blue convertible too in which I drove up to the station where I saw my good old friend Daniel Patrick Hawes. There was a little more to the station activity. The convertible was safire blue, isn't that the dark metalllic blue? I think the interior was black. It was large, luxury like. That's really something given my current situation. It was like all problems had bee solved.
I have no closure for this. It just ends here, I'm sorry to say.
I wonder how I am going to get all the shit in my apartment out of it and what I am going to do with it. Give it to Goodwill?

Ganesha

2011-12-28T12:38:00.000-08:00

I will put the Ganesh out in the van. All really valuable things. I must rethink the desktop computer. Needn't take the desk. Leave it. it's too big and bulky. TV, too. See what I can do about my humongous pictures of Gurumayi and Baba.
If I had gas I could go to the Meditation Center and see if they would take them. I would give them to them.
I would like to save my momma's dining room table but maybe I can't. Microwave, too heavy. I can get the clothes in a foot locker I think, a lot of them anyway and the rest just put on the seats, in laundry bags or hampers.
This requires more thinking. I need just some money to get up to Jax.
Nobody here likes me. :-(

If you're reading here ...

2011-12-17T10:09:00.000-08:00

First of all please go visit my old friend Wig Nelson's page at www.wignelson.com. Listen to some samples and buy a CD or a book. You can also read there some of his works. He's a good fellow, give him a donation.

Also:

If you are reading here please have compassion and leave a note. I feel like nobody knows I exist but then some Guru, Adept or Guide somewhere likely thinks that's a good thing, God's Love.

Thank you God for making me feel all alone. Thank you so much! I know there's a plan in this.

For sure.

Prem Rawat, Attachment

2011-12-11T10:57:00.001-08:00

Feelings are everything. Prem Rawat says this
in a recent talk.
I have heard him say before, “love is a feeling.”
He has also disputed the second half of Baba’s
saying, God lives within you as you. Yes, God
lives within you but he is not you.
He spoke in this talk in Barcelona about words
and feelings. It was contrary to what D.R was
saying in the last lesson. He says people lie.
They will say you look beautiful and you know
they don’t mean it. D. R. speaks of our taking
these things the wrong way. Someone flatters
you and you take it to be a lie. You take it to
be something other than it is. That’s okay. It’s
about being in touch with your feelings. What
really matters to you? Your looks?
This morning I was remembering attachment.
Non-attachment really. We were really busting
for that back in the mid-70’s and suddenly we
were all without one another. It was forced
non-attachment. Still there were attachments. Just
not the preferred attachments. Not our buddies,
not our girlfriends. No school, no job.
It goes on and on though. The “renunciation”
never stops but it’s not voluntary renunciation.
It is forced upon us by our circumstances.
Prem Rawat calls in knowledge. Siddha Yoga
calls it kundalini awakening or shaktipat.

Still have the Tooth

2011-12-06T12:54:00.000-08:00

I can't remember how long ago it was the filling in one of my front teeth fell out and the tooth itself began to chip away. I took it to a dentist who cleaned my teeth and she told me $1300.00. There were plans to help me pay but they all depended on my being employed.

It appears lots of people are foregoing dental. I've seen some people with hardly no teeth in their mouth. Am also aware that some of the Pagan advocates have some "beliefs" about teeth. I put beliefs in quotes to avoid saying superstitions. I remember one purported psychic who had only one tooth in his mouth. Of course in poor rural areas it has not been uncommon to forego the expensive dental procedures. One woman at the Saturday Farmer's Market had a remarkably near toothless mouth and I thought to myself that mine wasn't so bad. Just need that crown. Of course I will have to pay my rent and utilities before I can hope to have the dental work done. I am also aware it can be done cheaper at the University in Gainesville by dental students.

I wanted to add a picture here but I was unable.

A Parent

2011-12-02T08:04:00.000-08:00

I used to think my brother was like a parent. I thought he assumed responsiblity for hating my father and keeping me turned against my father. If there ever was a reason to hate my father it was my brother.

Now, a grown up, I see my brother is no one to turn to. He rebukes everything I believe in and finds me the cause of my own woes.

The Talking, the Unsilent Mind

2011-11-29T16:55:00.000-08:00

People need phones and other electronic devices to talk to each other unless of course they are in the very presence of the other and they can speak with their mouths or hands.

Relligion is the Opiate of the Masses

2011-11-28T06:09:00.000-08:00

Every Baptist, Catholic or Jew wanted to call Siddha Yoga a religion when I first took it up and they showed their mild interest (in what I was doing). While the college kids wanted all this Hindu Buddhist shit to be called an Experience.
Religion is the opiate of the masses.
I really feel now I have been a fool for that. I've gotten addicted to the opiate.
I feel so misidentified. Well, I should have known that was the fact, I'm a communist aren't I? I should have known my practices were just a delusion.
What if I had known? I would only have my mind to dig me out of my shit in the 80's and 90's and now. Where would that have gone?

Reading

2011-11-22T17:16:00.000-08:00

My Aunt Marguerite used to read Star magazine. Not sure why. Nothing is true in it.
My sister, step-sister, the oldest of the kids, used to like those Jacqueline Suzanne novels. At least she read a thick book. My brother John always had books, Hotel was one, another was The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich. My step-sister's husband like military strategy and had encyclopedias on the subject. It would seem my step-brother would read manuals for installing car stuff, like cruiser skirts, antennas and ... Fuck it, my brother couldn't read.

Consciousness

2011-11-22T15:22:00.000-08:00

It appears that everyone looks to your yoga or your religion to make you a big star or something. You're supposed to become magically successful because you meditate and chant. It's like luck of the dice. They keep their eyes on you to make sure you are not getting rich, the yoga has not done what it has promised because they know that's how it is.

They call themselves friends, brothers, sisters, family, leaders.

I'm Very Liberal but ...

2011-11-18T15:29:00.001-08:00

They would give a job to a murderer. They would give a goddamned job to a murderer, but not to me. No, not to me.

Brothers

2011-11-18T15:27:00.000-08:00

THE BROTHERS I HAD IN THE 60'S ARE THE SAME BROTHERS I HAVE NOW. :-(

Love ... not even an emoticon.

2011-11-18T15:18:00.001-08:00

I remember when LOVE, love between men and women meant more than ANYTHING ELSE.
Now everything means more than that...
I can't even find an emoticon here at Blogger for it. Isn't it the heart?

Some Jesus things ...

2011-11-17T11:14:00.000-08:00

Blessed is he who has not seen but has believed.

I was watching Mantra, Voice of the Soul and Gurumayi
was speaking of a Golden Body we received when initiated
by the Guru with the mantra.

Over the years I have thought much of this saying spoken by
Lord Jesus.

Oh just found this which seems to speak so well to the truth
of the present moment. Fleeing through Northern Galilee, Jesus
speaks to the 24.

Lazy

2011-11-14T13:59:00.000-08:00

I posted earler at Facebook asking if I was lazy. That was because some girl I met on the internet figured a man could not get a job if he was lazy. So, since I had no job she just figured I was lazy. She was from Michigan. 30 years old. You would think with what is happening in Detroit she would have had a different view of things.

Om tare tuttare ture swaha

2011-11-13T12:10:00.000-08:00

Listened to this mantra this morning, rather, afternoon, on You Tube. Nice stuff. The Green Tara mantra is easiest. The White Tara mantra is a lot like it but a bit longer.
Both of them are so nice and soft. A great way to start a Sunday I would say.

Describing

2011-11-11T09:28:00.000-08:00

So the samskaras lead to this describing. Our experience, really, is a description of reality not reality itself.

Not Us

2011-11-09T13:01:00.000-08:00

I can't get anywhere with Ram today or D.R. that is. I needn't recount my difficulties but one Ram said in the previous Siddha Yoga course that we are not who we were, that person has died. My mind worked on this quite a lot. I didn't want to live in now. In now I would just start again anyway. But all the other people, they are not who they were and I counted on them being who they were. Maybe Americans, maybe Christians, friends, loved ones. Not who they were. Given what the samskaras were/are giving me, that was trouble to me. PROJECTIONS, yes, I know, but ... very serious projections. Like people wearing masks.
You know, I don't know if a paragraph should start here or not but I'm starting one anyway. I think one is necessary every now and then. You know, Halloween just passed. I used to have a Halloween costume that after a few years embarrassed me as it was kind of childish, there had been no "upgrade" you know. I sound very insecure saying you know so much, don't I? And I don't know if you know so I really am insecure. I used to go as THE DEVIL. I just saw a person I used to love who now looks like THE DEVIL to me.
But I can think on something serene. I don't know if it's eternal but it is serene. I am just walking down this road, actually up the road, and it is a sunny but cool day. Gurumayi appears above me, invisibly, but definitely present. I have been reading Dawn Horse Testament and Mayi absorbs, I guess the goodness, the truth in this book and refers to herself, or rather us, as Me. Dawn Horse Testament is a book of Truth written by Da Avabhasa (The Bright). In the first few pages, maybe the forward he/He speaks of how when we speak of within us and outside of us all of that is body reference. Inside the body, outside the body so the body's existence is given. He calls that a problem with all traditional yoga.
I think I had paid my last dollar of rent for the month and I was caught up on my electric so I was materially happy but I could not say it was an eternal happiness, not eternal serenity. My first thought is of church and the organs, the white robes, but I like the rock and roll you know so church music doesn't turn me on. I was reading of the (apparent) material happiness that Kula Kundalini, the Great Goddess who lives in the muladhara chakra at the base of the spine, destroys the (seemingly) great happiness of worldly existence, and pierces all the inner knots. It is in the Kundalini Stavah. I guess that is the Eternal. Beyond the seemingly great happiness of worldly existence.

Addicted

2011-11-04T08:32:00.000-07:00

Addicted to emotional pain. What is the antidote for that?
I can imagine experiencing a void while apparently happy.
That would be the addiction is existing, is alive and well
though. That would be a prelude to the negative emotions
reappearing.
Well, we can try some find and replace here. What if Christ
did reappear? I have been writing about these books I used
to "die for," the A.A. Bailey books. Predictions for the
reappearance of Christ from the 20's or so. Christ can only
appear from within I have now learned. Christ is the Self,
the inner Self, the immortal Self, the eternal Self. Christ
is Consciousness and Bliss.
Oh, I need the rent so bad. I need the rent and the utilities
and not having it makes me reflect on the past 33 years. Why
I had no work, why I let my mom support me, how it is that
no one apparently loves me enough anymore to spare $500 this
month, more for electric and overdue phone/net bills.
That's an addiction?
I have read about the Worry Addiction, too. An addiction? I
protested when TV was called an addiction. I guess I am suffering
the backlash for my television indulgences. I'm not part of the
"crowd," not cool, not anybody's friend.
I became so intent on finding a spiritual master and I finally
found Baba and Gurumayi but that hasn't led to friendship. I
am called a friend but I don't experience the friendship in a
recognizable way like phone calls, e-mails, visits, invites to
lunch, dinner, parties, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Women don't
want to make love to me. There should be a big debate about
meditation and love. Don't know how many boys and girls thought
that agreeing to meditate with each other would lead to love, that
very night, but I knew it was an issue as boys made their advances
and girls rebuked them.
I don't even experience that as an issue anymore. I should be
grateful. Ah, love, and maybe some help with work and supporting
myself. That's real friendship to me. Real friends improve your lot
in life somehow. I was going to say improve you. I find the friends
I wanted to keep always did that. I am always happy to find someone
who is in agreement with me, as in the Siddha Yoga philosophy, etc.
Is that that addiction again, the negative emotions. I was getting
kind of high on the thoughts of my Siddha friends being more
friendly, e-mailing me, calling, paying visits and doing things for
me and then I killed it somehow.
Without realistic expectations I just feel like I am daydreaming and
I think others wonder why I never saw that before and scorn me for
it. I am not supposed to care what other people think either, am I?

Never Suspect Another's Motives

2011-11-03T13:55:00.000-07:00

A respected master once said, "never suspect another's motives." Sounds like that goes well with always agree with people mentioned in a recent lesson.
If you would like a link to more of that spiritual master's words go here.

WE ARE NO US!

2011-11-02T11:54:00.000-07:00

Just had one of those breakthroughs. We are no us. Like I.M. Nome. Oh, I forgot that how he spelled that. I posted at Facebook I AM NOME, but the former is the correct writing.
I called my sister after a brief spite of suicidal tendency, she was sick and in the emergency room. I called her cell from my new cell that I got for free because I'm poor, not pur, as in purna or purno'ham, though teacher boy keeps telling me that. I wondered that she says she was born in 1938 and not 1939 as I had grown up hearing and calculating though my calculations tended to be way off. I wonder if this is why I suffered in math as it got more advanced. I rounded off my brother's birthdays, 8 1/2 to 9 and 12 1/2 to 13 and somehow my sister went from 14 to 15. Not sure how that happened. Just needed an odd number I guess. I think it is like the hill or mountain in that movie "The Man Who Went Up a Hill and Came Down a Mountain." This little community in England had a mountain they thought until the fellows at weights and measures or whatever it was decided to measure it and found it was short. Not the perfect analogy, I guess.
So, my sister was sick and at the emergency on her phone. She said to call her home phone but as I had experienced before, her home phone was not connected as I think will soon be the case with mine.
There's perfection and imperfection in that NOT US stuff. I kind of liked us. I found us benevolent and good in many ways, but not being us was good too, because many things about us bound us to old ways, old karma, limiting karma. Like I wonder if I was not so bound to my family would I have hooked up with Stephan's Farm better. They desired no skinny dipping in their creek. My older friend called me dumb when I was not so intereste in a soy dairy The Farm had created. My friend was a graduate in biochemistry, I a fledgling poet, writing gibberish and trying to make sense out of it which was why I experienced in poets like A.E.Houseman and William Carlos Williams. Put that together with all the LSD lunatics and BE HERE NOW and maybe I had something. Still I was sensitive to criticism that it was like a Rorschach ink blot or painting by chimpanzees. Their were enough people out there investigating what they called bullshit to scare me away. There were also people who didn't want any journalistic writing on the drugs we were taking and the good times we had. Journalistic like Hunter Thompson or James Simon Kunen. I was hot in 1971 but maye I was stealing style.
Yeah, so I.M. Nome. Hear of him anymore, or Dr. Arya?
Arya used to write for Yoga Journal.

Our Father

2011-11-01T15:06:00.000-07:00

D.R. Butler refers to the Father again. His Christian references sometimes bother me. In UB we speak of Divine Parent, but it does speak of the Father concept of God being supreme. To one who has never read the Urantia Book what does that mean. He will go on speaking in neanderthal Christian terms. Adidam doesn't appreciate the Father idea. He doesn't like to be referred to as a parent. He's not your Daddy, he has said. I should capitalize that h but I don't follow Adidam so I suppose I don't have to.
Lesson 33. What an impossible lesson it has been to get to and read. I start reading and it makes me stop.
The Father thing though, it's at the end and it just isn't so great. UB calls him the Paradise Father and says that he lives in the Central Universe of Havona on the Paradise Isle. I don't get to study UB very much anymore. No readers.
That's a geat teacher though that won't familiarize himself with some of your shit. I wish I could have gotten to read that Course on Miracles that was so popular at the Florida Students of the Urantia Book conference in Leesburg and I think even at the International Conference in Tennessee. Not enough people, not enough community.

Support

2011-10-31T14:31:00.000-07:00

I know symcgainesville likes my voice but people in my family don't. It's always begging and they don't
want to hear that. Not that I like to hear theirs unless they have some support to give.
My family has used that word support in many different ways. I hardly know what it really means anymore.
My mother said once in 1977 that she would be supportive. It sounded a lot like she meant support if and she had said as much many times. If I got a job, she once said, she (and the old man believe it or not) would match the salary for me. She also looked for jobs for me in the Penn Railroad, now Amtrak. They wanted a Bachelor's Degree to begin with. My brother got a job with 4 years in the Air Force. I wonder if they think that's the equivalent of 4 years in college. I only completed 2, getting an Associates Degree. I wallowed around for a while at the University but they weren't much Fun. I've had jobs washing dishes, doing construction, as a cashier, as a library hand and delivering newspapers. Oh, and as an office assistant at Santa Fe College's Department of News and Journalism, my last job 12 years ago, part-time, at $5.15 an hour. Aren't I DUE?!!!

My Brother

2011-10-19T15:11:00.000-07:00

My brother used to live in Ocala. He moved there from down in Miami or somewhere and mom was given temporary authority over this home so she asked him if he would want to live there and save money and he said yes and so he moved to Melrose. Then his father in-law suffered a stroke and needed help and a house was purchased, which always means a down payment was put down and a mortgage created and that's how he lives in Keystone Heights now. He was livng there when mom died. He took mom and I in during Hurrican Francis and that is that. Oh, there was a dinner with Mrs. Betsy Wolf. This ain't no party, this ain't no foolin' around.

Well, do you think the moral majority will help me? I mean the boys have stretched things thin, right, can't help, right? That's the thing, isn't like they have to torture me or something? I'm just not safe like I used to be with mom. I'm an outcast, an undesirable, disowned and disavowed and not situated in a state of grace.

Narada

2011-10-02T15:32:00.000-07:00

Narada stories. No, Narayana stories. Oh, we love you Ram, we love you. We love you so much.
Old man take a look at my life it's a lot like yours.
Or maybe we can deliberately misinterpret, will that help our case?

Desperate

2011-09-26T14:30:00.000-07:00

Never felt so desperate in all my life and Ram is talking about replacing, and the other prophets as mom would have called them (never should have called her momma, all the Brooklyn thugs are attracted by that). They used to talk about brain damage from drug use, Christ did these cab drivers from Brooklyn do drugs? God help us.

I am no longer going to use that word that is the english for frere. It disgusts me. It only means hate to me. Somehow I get the experience of it making me real though. I was hated by a lot anonymous souls in 1978. Hell, hate was going on before that. UF on the corner of 13th St. and University Ave. in town ought to stand for UnForgiving rather than University of Florida.
I can't swim so I know what it feels like to feel like you're drowning. I feel that way with my bills. Hell, i have no job. I'm supposed to forget but I am remembering. Ah, forget it.

2011-09-13T23:27:00.000-07:00

I'm reading Lesson 29 of my Living in the Truth of the Present Moment. It's so right on in the moment. A disagreement between two sister years ago and now they are set to meet each other again. The sister finds that she is thinking exactly the things that create the stress in ther relationship.

I have a situation like that. It's a fightin' situation. You don't want to give up a point. In fact you don't even think the relationship is important enough to save from disappearing. Isn't that something?

I get tired of my family thumbing their noses at India, the Gurus, the Avatars, the Swamis. Sick and Tired. They don't give an inch either. They aren't what they used to be and neither am I which I am not happy with. I don't have long hair, don't smoke pot, don't hang out with naked ladies. There's no beer, no school and no job. Of course all I can see is what they are not. Fat bellies, short hair, scars down the middle of their chests. Tiresome and Old. Listening to MUZAK. I mean not talk Stephan Halpern which is MUZAK to them. Common cars, common houses. Kids who keep their distances very distant. Denials of receiving Baba gifts. Nobody likes me and obviously nobody likes them either, they are dull and uninteresting. Masons, retired persons, hen pecked old men and living in assisted living apartments. Grief and hatred of the president, and no money, no money at all, money they earned. Money that is theirs and they are going to keep it.

Well, I face financial ruin. They've explained delightfully though 35 years ago waht a great blessing bankruptcy is. Thing is those were working people who could get back to earning more money. I am unemployed. Nobody every went very far about bankruptcy except to say they liked it. They are not interested enough in my thing to say anymore about it. They don't care about me. They just don't God Damned love me. So I will think of someone else.

Ganesh

2011-08-30T08:27:00.000-07:00

I thought it so inappropriate last night to put this picture of Ganesh as my profile picture here at the Blogger blog but today I'm reading lesson 28 of the lessons and I see, it is Me. I feel like the deer and the musk. The deer keeps chasing after this smell that comes from inside of him. You may know this yourself. Something arise and you question, where did that come from. You search your mind, your associates and believe it's some superpower outside of you, a Krsna or God .

On Work, School and the Beginnings of it All

2011-08-07T12:48:00.000-07:00

For over 40 years I've lived in Florida. My father's family lives here. While in N.Y. my father did enjoy the presence of his older brothers for a while until they retired and went back to Florida but for as long as I can remember they have all lived down here. He has quite a lot of family given he was one of 7 children, 2 girls and 5 boys.I guess it was a joke, it was certainly a joke to me, but they could not fathom how I could not get a job. It was always a matter of cutting my hair or in some other way conforming to the norms of the business community as they conceived of the business community. I have not really seen any studies on the hiring of long haird men and/or braless women (my girlfriends generally did not wear bras). A progressive modern view would view it as unconstitutional to discriminate on the basis of hair or underwear but I suspect progress and the modern view don't make the money, especially here in the south.
So, I never got a job or the jobs I got, paper courier, dishwasher, laborer didn't last long at most 2 weeks.
And then the "tribe" turned on me. Somehow I had gotten involved in what was called a tribe in the subculture. It started with an interest in spiritual things, Buddha, Krishna and this impersonalism tht the Krishna devotees talk about. There was also a fascinating book called Consciousness of the Atom and it was given as reading material in the college I attended Santa Fe Community College. I learned later that Consciousness of the Atom was only one book in a series of books by A.A. Bailey, a woman who lived in England and wrote as a channel for a spiritual master known as D.K. an abbreviation for Djwahl Kuhl. Of course there were many spiritual matters in college where men meet woman and love is spoken of, sex becomes a regular part of life and intoxication is a regular indulgence. In a philosophy class I had Herman Hesse was offered as some reading and Kahlil Gibran's works came up at parties I attended. Lots of people were into "The Last Whole Earth Catalogue" and "Foxfire." People wanted to be autonomous. There were also Jesus Freaks and followers of the 14 year old perfect master called Maharaji, an honorific term that was used by the followers of Prem Rawat. Krishna devotees argued over him, inferring he had called himself God and that only Krishna was God. My philosophy teacher followed a spiritual master named Kirpal Singh. He also taught free classes on some of the A.A. Bailey books, "The Treatise on White Magic" and "The Treatise on Cosmic Fire."
Ah, so why couldn't I get a job living with my bigoted old man and mom. Mom made my bed and after enough drinking with the newly named men, 18 year olds having been given rights that had only been awarded 21 year olds before, and taking a grand assortment of drugs from Qualludes and acid to marijuana, amphetamines and barbituates I felt self-conscious about my mother making my bed. Billy Joel sang a song about moms making their grown sons beds. It wasn't really about the making of the bed but of a life not being lived to its fullest, Captain Jack. Having lived a long time now making my own bed, which is mostly unmade these days, I wonder what was so wrong with my mom making my bed. Shit, who is Billy Joel to me or I to him? You know another great rock and roll song that affected me was Springsteen's. In one of Bruce's songs he sings about a fellow named Hazy Davey. Hazy Davey got really hurt, he sang, he ran into the lake in just his socks and his shirt. Well, I had been hurt, I guess. I was alone. I was on probation at school. I drank and smoke and used drugs. I had experimented sexually. And I lived at home with my parents who didn't really love each other but kept that kind of a secret. It was nobody's business. Ah, and a girl friend I had been with for 10 months brok up with me.
So, I wonder about working, about being on my own, supporting myself. It would seem those things should have been mentioned at 18 and brought up later when they weren't being realized. I started school at the University of Florida. I was a hippie though and I smoked pot and had since I was a Junior in High School, pot and tobacco (I also drank). Other students and friends of mine from high school had gone to the community college. A failing grade was not counted toward your average there, but you had a right to take it over again. At UF a 2.0 g.p.a. had to be maintained. My teachers (and I was blessed with one particularly wonderful teacher who opposed the war and supported bussing and went out on strike when a teachers strike happened in this area) thought I could do the work at UF but maybe they hadn't acknowledge the influence of alcohol, drugs and politics. In 1971, the year I started, George McGovern was cranking up his campaign for the presidency. The FM radio told us where to find drugs and there was a place you could bring drugs if you thought they might have been tampered with on the streets before you bought them. I'll have to check the year on that. I graduated high in '71 and proceeded to UF but wasn't the election in '72? Anyway, I had many friends, some close and some not so close. Instead of taking a dorm room at UF I decided to take an apartment, that is live with my friends who were taking drugs and partying much of the time. I fantasized about selling drugs, having a young woman live with me, etc., the whole rock and roll thing. I guess living in a dorm wouldn't have avoided that. Somehow I would have broken out of it. My best friends going to the community college was something I couldn't avoid. I wanted to be with them and I went to their classes and sat in. That led me to give up on some of my classes at UF. I often think of the bucket of bolts my father bought for me to drive to school. I had had an accident with my mom's car. I totaled it, an nsurance term for exceeding in damages the estimated value of the car. Mom and dad collected $900 on it. With that my father bought me a $300 bucket of bolts, a 1964 Falcon, standard shift with no radio and painted beige. It was like a Navy vehicle. It was a subconscious message that service men were better than me, that I should join the service like my brother did in 1962. I had never had my own car so what was I to do but if he had cared about my success in the world he would have bought me something better and done better to support my education. I never got a commuter sticker to park at UF. I got a lot of tickets my first quarter. Would a better car have made me more conscious of parking? My cousin, 2 years older, was given a brand new car. Word was he worked. His father, with whom he was closer than his mother, owned a farm and cuz worked on it. Was that really work, doing what need be done on the farm you grew up on and tended, likely, all your life? My friend whom I met through him, a year older than me and a year younger than cuz, laughed at the inscription on the side of the car, Heavy Chevy! My step-brother in N.Y. had owned a Chevy. He was going to give it to me but he got in an accident and sold what was left of it for $25. It was a beautiful '65 Chevy Impala convertible with shieds and skirts and dual antennas. It also had speakers in the back and dual exhausts. I think it had a cassette tape player. Of some renown is a record player he had on one car, that played 45's but I think that had gone the way of trading in. His previous car was a '58 with cruiser skirts and fancy hubcaps, shields, lowering blocks, etc. Those were cars! Not a '64 Falcon painted beige.

The President

2011-08-01T18:39:00.000-07:00

You know I clearly don't get the president when he is a democrat the way I get him when he is a republican. There seems to be much less pomp and circumstance, authority in his government. I always look at the administration with its cabinet as very powerful and beyond me but apparently I'm not supposed to have so much respect for a president of my country if he is someone I voted for. Then he sucks. I hear it everywhere. No, here is no, PRESIDENT, listen and obey, now it's PURESSIDENT, spit on and despise.

I recently took a visit to White House.gov. I rarely did that under Bush, but actually had to when I was trying to defeat him. I couldn't stand looking at his ugly puss and LAURA, the sweeter than sweet wife and mother of the drunkard daughters. Why she never came to the fore and gave those kids a good licking hasn't been told.

Now the GOP appears to be cooking up a big female candidate in 2012, Palin or Bachmann or Palin and Bachmann. Wouldn't that be a ticket?!!! I hardly hear the other names in the race, Pawlenty and whomever. Looks like Romney is already shot down in many articles I see. I wonder if they are going to push their mighty Congress which has just made the Senate and the President back down. Will they dare to run a congressman for President, Eric Cantor or Mitch McConnell? God those guys are ugly. Could it by Rand Paul will run? Like Palin, why not run after serving but 2 years in office? They are already running on television if you ask me. Steal from the poor and give to the rich is their motto. You would swear that was the American Credo. Somehow they twist it all around to make the poor the bad guys and the rich the good. Well, who the hell owns the tv networks, right? Who owns the news? Haven't we been talking about that, buyouts by the right wing of news and journalism. The press is supposed to be black and white but the Murdoch's and Rev. Sun Myung Moon's want it to be yellow.

Who Am I?

2011-07-24T20:09:00.000-07:00

In this video, J. Krishnamurti appears to have issues with the great Upanishadic seers who insist this is the question to be asked and answered.

Watch it: http://youtu.be/7G-7-ZiiM-o

I do wish the television has provided J. Krishnamurti's talks. I think there is a YouTube network coming up if you believe in the investment of TV. You can learn things from TV. If America were not so biased ou could learn more important things from TV than you do now. TV is a victim of American prejudice. That's why you don't see J. Krishnamurti there.

Weird

2011-07-15T23:44:00.000-07:00

What a weird day. Was it only a day. Was it just this day? I feel like I've been so up and down. I just don't have any real solid thing to hold onto. I need money and I reach out to people to help me with that. I imagine success in this way and failure. Failure brings me down and success makes me happy but nothing is happening. That makes me sad and confuses me. What are we, I wonder, machines. I can't tell if I'm being told the truth or being lied to. I can't believe no one is able to help and beyond those souls that I have loved probably lifetime after lifetime but those whom I don't call my dearest who only value things like goodness and charity, love and playing fair.

I'm just so confused.

Computers, the interactive age

2011-07-03T15:06:00.000-07:00

I can't get my fellow religionists to participate with me on the Net. They don't e-mail, they don't have time, I guess for computer nonsense. This seems to be the spirit. A writer, Thomas Colburn, whose book The Goddess is sold at SYDA, says in his introduction to the book that reading is a relatively new thing to the human race. Reading books has only been going on for a few hundred years. The invention of the printing press, I'm guessing, is probably a good reason for this.

Sometimes I feel all this reading is just unnatural but I find few human beings ready to speak to me and have me as a social contact. Perhaps they have had difficulties in friendships. Maybe friends distract them from their real goals, the true business of the human being, which is said to be God Realization. Maybe I'm a distraction. They don't want to associate with me, attract my bad habits like coffee drinking and television watching, new sins ... new religions.

I used to "hang out" as it is said. But, I'm not sure I know what they were saying. It's a saying of Bob Dylan's isn't it? when he was damning the social whores of New York City, upper crust and uncaring about him or anything else. Hanging. Hanging out. Usually, I think, the dope, smoking pot with friends, the quiet, the music and the hours at a friends house. Is that hanging out? I suppose, but it is also friendship, isn't it?

Don't dwell on it. Your friends are in your mind. Bring your best friends there.

On Manahprasada, the tranquility of the mind.

2011-05-30T11:30:00.000-07:00

Gurumayi doesn't write. She only speaks. There are poems, but mostly she gives talks and they are recorded for devotees, present and in the future. They are 2 different acts aren't they? Does a talk mean you have a better grasp of a subject that writing?

I'm not sure. I'm watching Gurumayi talk right now.

She says people think you take up the spiritual path when things get tough. She says, "then it's too late." You have to give your energy to solving your problems not to the spiritual path.
I think they can be the same thing though.

She is speaking of manahprasada, peace of mind. She has mentioned Vashistha and now she speaks of Patanjali. I wish I knew which sutra it is that she quotes but it says to cultivate friendhip toward the happy. Who do you think is happy though? Mayi goes on to speak of resenting happiness and so forth, but I still think there is a question about what happiness is and who is happy. Is it the stock broker who is making so much money or the hippie living on his commune? Is it the monk in the monastery or is it the playboy in his mansion? Who is happy, what are the qualities of happiness, true happiness, not an ephemeral happiness.

Mayi gives a dharana where we must contemplate a happy person we know. I found it hard to think of a happy person, there were dope smokers in the Netherlands and so on, Elvis seemed to be the most happy person I ever knew and finally it came to me, the righteous person, like Lincoln, was happy. This is like the Living Bible and the Urantia Book's translation of the New Testament's sermon on the mount, Happy are the Pure in Heart and so forth. Happy instead of Blessed. In Siddha Yoga they say blessed quite often. I wonder if they don't really get the happy thing. We say happy now instead of blessed, Gurumayi. Blessed is old hat.

Cultivate compassion on the miserable. As Gurumayi continues to speak I think these sutras apply more to Gurumayi than to me. It is nearly boasting or a joyful statement coming from the great accomplishment of self-realization. So, only then can you avoid this talk being a lecture. Serve humanity? That's her thing, isn't it? I'm not saying I want to serve humanity. I am the miserable who wants compassion.

Praying for that job.

2011-05-26T14:07:00.000-07:00

It's only Pizza Hut but I sent my application to them. It's here in KH. I did it through Snag-a-job.
Listening to a speech at Siddha Yoga dot org. Can't take the webcast. Can't afford.

Bob Dylan's Birthday

2011-05-24T21:30:00.000-07:00

Taylor Marsh mentioned Bob Dylan's birthday at my Facebook Newsfeed. A group called Thomas Paine posted a You Tube of his As I Went Out One Morning (to breathe the air around Tom Paine's).
I think yesterday was Baba Muktananda's birthday. Taylor is no fan of Baba's. She didn't mention his birthday in 1908 in Mangalore, India. Baba was a great saint who revealed the Lord within throughout the world. Baba's not a Freemason.

Left Out

2011-05-24T08:43:00.000-07:00

Reading about all the love over there at Present Moment and I feel left out. I feel left out. Yeah, that's it.

Ate more meat

2011-05-21T16:18:00.000-07:00

Ate more GD meat today. Brown n Serve sausages from Jones. I really prefer Parks. It brings me back to the old days when my brother used to sing the jingle to the Parks sausages commercial at breakfast time, "More Parks sausages, mom." Let me find that on You Tube. Couldn't. Found protest. A rap singer calls himself vegemintarian and he sings, no more parks sausages mom. Parks, I've learned from his website, was a black owned company. There were no Parks sausages available at Sweet Bay in Gainesville, FL, just Jones and Banquet. Didn't trust Banquet.

I was going to continue on my meditation practice but with all the shit going down about my meat eating I don't think I will. Thank the Hare Krsnas. What made me ever visit them?

Ms. Ellerbee, Rosie Perez, the darshan line and a starbucks on an interstate in Florida

2011-05-09T15:58:00.000-07:00

I wanted to post to Ms. Ellerbee about claiming to have seen her at Gurumayi's birthday intensive, in the darshan line. Linda sent me an apology after sending me a note stating she was not there. The note was kind of short tempered I thought and I commented on her position in this world and my own and she replied with an apology for that spirit.

I would offer my own apology now. I visit Starbucks quite often. Coming back from Ft. Lauderdale where I attended an event given by Prem Rawat my friend who had come along for the ride, and I, stopped into a rest area. There was a Starbucks there and I purchased a coffee. This sounds irrelevant up to now but it was the woman who served me, and I really don't remember even if I actually got coffee but mostly that I saw this woman, looked exactly like Rosie Perez. I didn't know Rosie so well then but I had seen her in movies like White Men Can't Jump and others. It couldn't be, though, my mind said to me and I still agree but the whole vibe said it was, except what would a major movie star be doing working at a rest station Starbucks? Were they doing a movie on those shootings here in Florida so many years ago? Certainly didn't seem to be. This was just a woman who looked like a movie star to the T as they say. It was amazing. And so I must imagine it was with you. Some women who looked like you to the T was there in the darshan line at the Shree Muktananda Ashram in 1992. I'll never trust my senses again.

A Grateful Heart

2011-05-06T15:28:00.000-07:00

On the night of Baba's 60th birthday Gurumayi had her first experience of merging into Baba's being. She felt that Baba and her inner Self, the Atman, were one and the same. I was reading about this in "From the Finite to the Infinite." It is called Gurubhava where one feels no difference between one's self and the Guru. At that time one feels oneself no different from anything and all is the Self.
Later in the talk Gurumayi says, "Gratitude is the core of all accomplishments. Gratitude brings true happiness and contentment. Gratitude is a great healer. Someone who has experienced gratitude said, 'gratitude to God makes even an earthly blessing a taste of Heaven.' "

In the book of questions and answers called "From the Finite to the Infinite," a question arises about form and formlessness. In the 12th chapter of Jnaneshwari, a commentary on the Bhagavad-gita by Jnaneshwar, Jnaneshwar says that "worship of the Absolute is better than worship of the form."

When I was trying to pay bills and selling my house I sold a collection of tapes to a fellow who later became a friend in England.They were "Gurumayi on the Bhagavad-gita." I had bought them, 7 tapes, from SYDA for $300 on sale. I wanted to make as much as I could on them. I put them up for $75 as I recall. Unfortunately the shipping duty to England cost my friend so much that he ended up paying $150. Apparently the authorities made $75, too. I didn't know about valuing my property. I should not have said the tapes were worth $75, what I was selling them for because that cost me so much in duty, which I paid as I was of a habit to pay whatever they wanted in those days. My friend, Pankaj, paid me the $150 for the tapes, paying the duty I had to pay to ship them to the U.K.

I later offered to send him more tapes since I had learned of the duty situation, but I never did. The tape I am looking at now, "The Grateful Heart" was one of them. It cost me $100 originally which I thought was some kind of really high price. It is a great tape, though, a great talk, shot in Ganeshpuri on Gurumayi's birthday in 1990. She speaks of man's belief that he is superior to other living being in the world and explains how he is not but finishes with this, "Yet,when the human heart brims over with gratitude to God and the Guru it is matchless and unbreakable.The heart which holds gratitude is unbreakable.This love in the heart is what makes a human being more precious than all the treasures of this world put together. Understand in every heart there is love therefore everyone is Great."

Not Reading

2011-04-28T16:12:00.000-07:00

Not reading lately the lessons. I got stuck on some girl, a woman I think, who said that Ram shortchanged her. He had to take some time in the lesson to handle her. Don't you wonder when he will handle you? He talks about being a writer but what has he written besides those lessons? Has he ever written a book? Fiction?

I hate the personal attitude of the lessons. It's like your sitting there talking to him and I hate that. Like a chess game, your turn, his turn. He takes no responsibility for his authority, his age, his cultural affinities. I like to hear that he is from Mississippi. It makes me feel even more distant. I grew up in New York. My whole family did. I can just imagine the son of a bitch growing up in the DEEP SOUTH.

No politics, just bullshit about the mind, what it's about, how to USE it.

OK, you want literary criticism, I don't think it flows. A correspondence couse is not talking to someone personally. If you want to argue points of logic I wish I could get my philosophy teacher on you. You could argue with him 'til you are BLUE in the face.

Should you be looking at the author of an article? I'm tired of looking at Ram Butler. There is nothing but flesh to him. I'm sick of his floating around my room, his deep voice, his over masculine mannerisms. There's no man like a yogi man, I guess, no man at all.

Indian Relief Council

2011-04-19T15:43:00.001-07:00

So, speak of the DEVIL, I wrote about the Indian Relief Council last week and BOOM! a new pitch for more money came in the mail.

SEND IT TO JOBA, IRC, I can't afford it.

Laundry

2011-04-19T15:30:00.000-07:00

I guess this should really be a Facebook post but

IT ISN'T!!!

I did my laundry yesterday. Just the underwear and the
towels.

also, some of the dishes.

Worry About MONEY!!!

2011-04-18T15:13:00.000-07:00

I was told to worry about money when I was young and growing into manhood but because that was America, that was normal. I wonder now why I was not told to worry about money because that was my father, because he was never going to give me anything and neither would any friend of his? No, it was just America, the normal thing of people making a living, not a serious thing of certain men can crucify you by depriving you of work, a means to make a living, your right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Do you read the Blogspot?

2011-04-14T20:50:00.000-07:00

Regarding who reads the blogspot, Living in the Truth of the Presnet Moment and how far we get I admit to having a reading problem. I can't get through the whole post most of the time and I have until recently really cheated on reading the comments of others.
I can't trace my reading problem back. Maybe the PCs, maybe my tech education, maybe not getting much feedback on what I have read, maybe this is just something that has to be gone through.
Authors have attitudes. I've read Bhaktivedanta Prabhupada and boy, oh boy, does he have an attitude. His is about Vashistha and Durga and so forth. I've read others who call yoga "cults." Oh, boy they ar full of fire about how their communities are going to be destroyed by a new chanting group in the neighborhood - imagine a satellite intensive.
I went to satsang last night. First time in years. I've written about that, privately, to you. It was a good night, just 5 of us. 4 women and myself. I was able to sit cross legged on my meditation cushion throughout. Satsang. I rarely called it that and if I did I had no sense of it.
So, the leader, whose name I think was Pam but whom I really don't remember, kept referring to a place, a suite in an industrial park in North Gainesville. A little place she called it and it is, but satsang is really another place. As you have said a place in the Heart. That's not just some physical place but I think they have a feeling of that over there because they have really taken excellent care of it. I have pictures of Mayi and Baba at my apartment, big pictures and I know how they get spots and need cleaning and boy when I looked at the pics in main hall at this little meditation center I was amazed at how sparkly clean they were. Bravo to them for giving of themselves so much in seva. I'm sure that took a lot of hard work.
I had written at a Facebook group called Kirtan that it was rare that we got to do kirtan with instruments and so forth. I know of the kirtan I learned about from reading Back to Godhead and Chaitanya-Charitamrta. They are a big organization. They speak of a lifestyle. They speak of converts who prefer their lifestyle. I assume that means no illicit sex, drugs, alchohol, caffeine or tobacco and chanting 16 rounds of the mantra, Hare Krsna and so forth. They often speak of the superiority of Bhakti Yoga, but I think they mean the dualist system that Gauranga taught. They have little use of teachers outside of their sect and often call them bottle washers and such as that. I have heard the terms mleccha and yadava quite enough I think.
But, I'm a westerner and I've never really been taught about Krishna. Yogananda compared Krishna to Jesus but these devotees say Krishna is the Father and Jesus is only his son.
In many ways though these devotees and Yogananda are alike. They tell a tale, they spin a story and the stories are beautiful and you think you can actually hear these beings speak to you. Nonetheless, I had to turn away. I had never heard of Shiva so who was I to put him down, say he isn't Krishna. Whom I to believe that his devotees were dark lovers of the shadows. Why was I to believe that Brahmnirvana was in anyway superior to Nirvanakalpa that Yogananda wrote about or Sehaj samadhi that I have also learned of. I've had my ecstatic experiences but I can see that life gets serious, too. You are telling me to look out for thinking life is so serious but I am still on my awares, as I think the saying goes.
Stephan Gaskin wrote a book called Mind at Play and in it he spoke of guarding your gourd. I'm kind of there.
I may also not have read so much because of the abundance of information, the information glut made available through the modern day computer.
The Net is a wonderful plaything. It has been very hard finding things of a spiritual nature there. This is very nice this satsang here at this site but I've been on the Net since 1996 and I have seen very little that was spiritually elevating.
Gee it must have been that chanting last night. We chanted Om Guru, Jaya Guru, Satchidananda Guru.

Native Americans

2011-04-14T18:05:00.000-07:00

In his most recent post D.R. Butler mentions the subtle presence of Native Americans at a workshop he did. I have often given to Native American Indian causes but lately I have not been able to as my debt has mounted to dangerous levels. I did give this year but it was quite by accident. I often do not answer my phone because a lot of calls are just pitches for money. I suppose I forgot that this one time when I answered the phone and on the other end was a young man trying to collect for Indian Council, I believe it was. They often need money in the winter for South Dakota Indians, I think it is. I can't be too specific because I have been ignoring many good causes, tossing their envelops into the trash - you know the recycling won't take them with the newspapers and otherwise ignoring pitches to give. Even my tips have declined of late, I suddenly am unable to do the 20 percent math on my dinner bills. The latest short tip was my haircut. I hope you have seen my haircut. Anyway, I can't give because of my debt but this fellow caught me on the phone and he was a nice young man, I think his name was Jake. He wanted me to remember it. But, I belonged to this organization that gives and Jake wanted something beyond my renewal for hungry Indians in South Dakota, for blankets and fire wood I suppose.
I was just thinking of that instead of the subtle presences that Ram speaks of. I may be in a suspicious mood today. Today somebody mentioned astrology to me. I am a Pisces and I have always gotten a kick out of talking astrology with the girls and so forth. It's a big flirting thing and it also taken seriously in Buddhism and Hinduism, two religions of interest to me for their learning on consciousness expansion, but a book I came across in the 80's, the Urantia Book, takes issue with astrology, finding no importance to the movement of the planets and finding them of no influence at all on our personal lives, a truly modern scientific view.
Still, I cannot ignore the endorsements of spiritual masters like Paramahamsa Yogananda and others. What Yogananda espouses is not the simple astrology we find in the newspapers handed down to us from the Greeks. I don't know much about it, but the Indians believe in the movement of the planets and their affect on individuals. Maybe Prem Rawat doesn't. I have heard him speak against many things unscientific that Old India has long believed, for instance that the planets are Gods. He believes in the knowledge he gives and I think he believes in the holy name as he has said nice things about the name of Ram and he admires Kabir, writing his own couplets to flatter that great being.
It's not that I don't believe in the subtle body that is taught about in yoga. It's just that I find some things kind of kinky and weird and even extreme. A woman on Facebook recently, a friend of Kurma Dasa the vegetarian chef, called meat murder. I found that extreme as Ramakrishna said God is in the ones you love and the ones I love eat meat and have eaten meat and I just can't be sure that will make them live another life. The forementioned Urantia Book has said that there is no wheel of rebirth as well.
Why bother with the Urantia Book you might ask. It seems to disagree with all the goodies that our spiritual masters teach but actually these are minor things compared to stopping the mind, seeing God in Each Other and so forth. The Urantia Book offers us some learning about the masters teaching about the atonement. Yogananda had a disagreement with it, liking to call it at-one-ment. In this Yogananda and The Urantia Book agree, Jesus did not die for the sins of man. Jesus appeared to teach of the brotherhood of man and the fatherhood of God says the book, to teach men about love says Yogananda. Little disagreement there though UB can get a little fussy about the Father concept. UB considers the Father idea the supreme concept of deity. None can compare, it says, not your Self, not Krsna, not Void. Likely not Allah either though it says little about Islam except that it is a sexist religion.
I went to satsang last night. It was great. I slept late today even though the phone was asking me to get up. The computer technician I left my Dell Mini with - had it ready - and was calling at 1:45. I had stayed up to watch the recorging of the Yankees game I made so it was after 3 when I went to bed. I was trying to upload a video too that took too long and kept me up.
I had strange dreams about my family and mala beads. Huge red mala necklaces. They were quite popular, too. I think Baba and my mom were in the dream.

Satsang

2011-04-13T20:37:00.000-07:00

Well, I did it. I made satsang tonight in Gainesville.
How neat and clean they keep the place.
I had been concerned about spots on my pictures and
I mailed the art professional who framed them and he
told me to use a glass cleaner with no amonia. The
Siddha Yoga group did a good job of cleaning those
pictures but everything was very clean. I was glad I
showered before I went and wore a scented oil, sandalwood,
and my meditation cap.
We sang Om Guru Jaya Guru Satchidananda Guru and then
meditated. I had a very good meditation. I was also able to
sit cross legged throughout. I was helped with an asana cushion
I bought years ago and my white woolen blanket.
It was a nice night. I should have brought a shawl but instead
I had my sweater which I through around my shoulders when
it got cool.
I am conscious of how vain this all sounds but it was a small
group of people. I was the only man. There were 4 women
besides me all of whom I remembered from years ago when
I went more regularly to satsang in Gainesville, FL.

Satsang

2011-04-13T15:21:00.000-07:00

After reading about laziness and so forth at Truth of the Present Moment and about people who can't get to satsang in their area, maybe I'll go to satsang tonight. It is satsang night, Wednesday and it's just 45 minutes away by my vehicle. It starts at 7:30 P.M. as I remember and it's 6:20 P.M. now. I am sitting her naked watching Shri Guru Gita from South Fallsburg made in 1991. I just need to put some clothes on, maybe get my chanting book, a shawl. I have a sitting pillow, too, though I often prefer a chair.

Linda

2011-04-12T13:46:00.000-07:00

I received a nice apology from Linda Ellerbee for her curtness in asserting that she was not at Gurumayi's Birthday Intensive in 1992 and she told me how things written on the internet are soon taken to be facts. I just wonder how you find out about yourself on the Net. Did somebody read my WordPress post and tell her? Did she find it herself? How? Did she do a search with her name in it? I'm just not used to anyone taking any notice of anything I write on the Net. Most of it seems to fall into a great dark abyss where it will never be found again except by some genius hackers or something, computer forensics or something.

It's one thing to be written about by established reporters and another to be written about by some unemployed unknown college dropout in the South. I took the post off the scroll at WordPress. I dumped it in the trash. It's just hard to figure that it wasn't Linda except that her name was different. I'm sure it's not issue about individual identity nor do I believe it has anything to do with wanting to remove one's self from association with an organization. I've heard Gurumayi hasn't been seen since 2004 and maybe that's embarrassing. Some assholes have tried embroil the late Baba Muktananda in the Catholic priest scandal and claim that he molested them. A Father Ritter was accused of the same while I was going to back to school in the late 90's. Baba died in 1982 and I never heard any of these accusations until after the turn of this century. I have seen some photos of this fellow George Affif whom it turns out is Jorge Afif, I think, at Facebook at Siddha Yoga pages created by followers of Siddha Yoga. A newsgroup was developed in the 90's called leaving Siddha Yoga to search for truth. There are all kinds of scandalous comments all over the Net but you know, they are not just about Siddha Yoga. I have read comments about the leaders of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Is there no other way to disassociate yourself from a group than to hurl scandalous lies about them in public? Good Lord, you know mainstream media isn't going to cover it. They don't even announce when a spiritual master dies. Adepts like Muktananda and Adidam Samraj don't even get their time on what the right wing is calling left wing biased Public Broadcasting Service. I know, I've watched. Thus, neither are any accusations, like the one against Amrit Desai who used to visit my area and held retreates in the Ocala National Forest. Now the most important thing going on there is the logging. Taxpayers dollars are paying for the roads that let big logging companies cut down the trees in that national forest. Amrit is said to have slept with some of the faculty and staff at Kripalu Yoga. It is said he admits to as much. The thing is Amrit is married and has children or was married. He seemed pretty happy when I visited him in Daytona, Florida in 1977 or 78. Must have been '78, lots of Bikes and Spring Break going on as I recall.
There's never any coverage of yoga events. Prem Rawat spoke to his devotees at Phillips Auditorium on the UF campus a year or two ago. No press. He was only addressing those who have accepted the knowledge but still it should have been an event. If Playboy comes here looking for 18 year olds to be on their Girls Next Door program, it makes my paper, but not Prem Rawat. I wonder how many other important people to me have snuck into Gainesville, made talks or something and got out without my ever knowing over the 40 years I have lived here? But, "that's just the way it is. Some things will never change." Isn't that sad?

THE TITANIC

2011-04-12T11:30:00.001-07:00

I feel like a traveller on the Titanic. That famous ship being my debt. I am just a few thousand dollars from having no money and I have no job.

Ram's Blog

2011-04-12T11:30:00.000-07:00

I'm wanting to post to Ram's blog, make a comment, but I wonder should I just write what I'm thinking here? Maybe not.

The Big and the Little.

2011-01-02T20:52:00.000-08:00

Instill a little fear in the small people whom you distrust. That's how I feel after a letter from Linda Ellerbee denying it was she I saw in the DARSHAN line at the Birthday Intensive for Gurumayi in 1992. She had a name tag but it was some spiritual name. Perhaps indeed it wasn't her. But she was short and curt with me about it. She didn't like my letter to Salon, perhaps, but that's not the issue. I would use some choice words but I fear the great and well known journalist would sue me. Ain't that America?

Women, Girls

2011-01-01T17:27:00.000-08:00

I remember when I was younger I thought about women, exactly the women I wanted, exactly the kinds of sexual activity I wanted to have. That has changed. I noticed how it changed today.

I don't chase women anymore. I hardly even talk to them. When I do talk to them they usually don't like me. I, egotist, I gay, I chauvinist, I suck. Same to they.

It's our thinking that makes them suck. Krishnas and Siddha hate each other because that's what they think. Oh, wait, it's what I think. It's only natural that what I read in the the Bhagavatam is that the impersonalists are worse than the Buddhists. At least the Buddhists, says Prabhupada, completely deny the Vedas, but the impersonalist just twist their meaning all about.

Happy New Year 2011 - Sanskrit Hymn for Peace.

2010-12-20T21:02:00.000-08:00

An Addendum

2010-12-07T21:17:00.000-08:00

Should I have mentioned that before I tried chanting Hare Krsna I had an experience with thinking I was Christ. Christ, the Avatar, Christ the Buddha, Christ the Imam, Christ the Messiah. Just thinking about it it quite a thing. You don't have to be it, just conceive of it. I'm sure my daddy would have said I thought I was that BEING. He never found much to like about me and mine.

I suppose it means something different to me now that I hear all the fighting these days over the different religious beliefs. The idea of Christ being the head of all these religious, satisfying their scriptural prophecies, was that all religions are reflections of the same supreme God experience.
I read about it in A.A. Bailey's books first and later I read Yogananda said God appears to all adepts through their own beliefs. If you believe Jesus is the supreme expression of Love and compassion then that's how God appears to you, if you believe Muhammad expresses that, then it is Muhammad he appears as, if Krishna, then Krishna, if your Self, then your Self, if Buddha, then Buddha.

But we all fight, these days about Muslims and Christians. There are some who fight between Christian life and the "New Age" or alternative religious experience, but no one believes God expresses himself through all the religions, one is true and the others are not. We are very simple minded now it seems to me.

We are all quite clear on what are particular superior God wants, too. Many I learn, know what their God wants by faith. Seems like a roll of the dice to me. In an even later book I read such ideas of God are called God concepts. It speaks of how our concept of God has evolved over the millenia culminating in what it thinks in its own faith filled belief is the ultimate concept, that of the Father.

I don't know about that. All faith seems to be about things working out. Have faith that you'll get a job, have faith that you'll find good friends, have faith that the world won't destroy itself. You know. Maybe I will need to have faith that it is so that God functions through all forms of religion and other philosophical systems as well. Maybe through such a system as science he can reveal how diabetes is cured, or multiple sclerosis is made less serious. I can't then think that only through science does God express himself, can I? I don't think so.

Gaaaahhhh!

2010-10-25T16:05:00.000-07:00

Just found out this blog connects with Truth of the Present Moment. Gaaaahhhh! as one of my H.S. friends used to say.
Had some thoughts today about Krishna consciousness and Om Namah Shivaya. What a trip I had when I chanted Hare Krsna in 1979, I think it was. A whole other dimension. Why isn't Om Namah Shivaya like that? Well, I've had lots of thoughts about it but today I had a good view of it. What if a child should start to chant. Jesus, we don't need the kids having the kind of psychedelic trip I had when I chanted. I couldn't seem to maintain my high though, and came crashing down.
It's still a matter of faith here. I couldn't believe in being against abortion. That always came up with Krishna and from a realistic point of view could I quit smoking, drinking and having illicit sex back in '79. I only gave up smokes in 1991 just before my father died of heart disease and cancer.
There has to be a middle ground.
I must admit I gave a lot to chanting the Hare Krsna mantra. Is Krsna God, my answer would have been yes. The only thing was, I didn't like that Krsna wasn't Jesus, but his God, the Father.
The food was good, then and through the years and I was abjectly alone so it was nice to see people, especially very clean and quite polite though very serious young people.

This Pitas Page

2010-01-26T01:14:00.001-08:00

I have been writing down my vain opinions and thoughts about life and the world here for many years. It was a main avenue for me for many years until Yahoo!360 and after that Facebook.
All my Yahoo!360 entries can be found at a new BLOG! called Edsaves77 at WordPress.

in reference to: Eddie's (view on Google Sidewiki)

2009-07-15T03:09:00.000-07:00

The picture at this blog is of St. Augustine Beach.

You know St. Augustine had a vision of an angel on a beach?

St. Augustine is said to be the oldest city in the United States.

Hey, the old dashboard blog!

2009-04-16T01:39:00.001-07:00

Came across the old Dashboard through Netflix.

Nice to see you again Dashboard.

Howie Long and his (too) masculine Silverado

2009-01-11T16:04:00.000-08:00

I think Howie Long and Chevrolet's commercials for the new Silverado are offensive.
Homophobic.
What's a real trucker anyway? I've found many of the truckers I've met to be uneducated bigots.
And these trucks are hardly the big 18 wheelers you associate with "trucking."
They're just pick-up trucks really.
If Howie wants to make his trucks real manly he should put a gun rack in the back of the cab.
That'll tell them sissies beware!

Here's to Victory Tomorrow

2008-11-03T14:07:00.000-08:00

I've been reading a little about the victory we are hoping for tomorrow, Obama-Biden, Tim Cunha, Al Franken, Kay Hagan, Suzanne Kosmos and the rest of the Democratic Ticket.
I also read about the death of Obama's grandmother. My own mother died in 2007 and she was very dear to her grandchildren who are in their forties these days. I dreamed I was in the South Fallsburg Ashram, Shree Muktananda Ashram and I was calling mom at home. Or was I in Yankee Stadium? Well, I was in N.Y. and calling mom at home.
Dreams are funny that way. I hope Obama will know that his grandmother lives on in his Heart.

Anti-discrimination Law in Gainesville, Florida

2008-07-28T18:26:00.000-07:00

Here's a little more on the bathroom problem in Gainesville. There is really no problem to me. I have never been interrupted by lesbians while I was trying to take a shit or whatever in the public restrooms. I think I would kind of get a kick out of that anyway.
I think the HRC is having such a great impact that the right wing, moral minority has cooked up this issue just to repeal a law in Gainesville that protects gay people from discrimination.
That's what Cunningham says in his column. Mr. Cunningham is well known pundit who writes for the Gainesville Sun in an editorial capacity.

Protesters in Gainesville

2008-07-28T16:03:00.000-07:00

I got an e-mail from a gay politician running for state senate down south. His name is Mark LaFontaine. One of my favorite teachers in high school was named LaFontaine. She got her name through marriage. Still it is a name that stands out to me.
In town today as I went to go shopping I came across a crowd that was protesting the legality of men using women's bathrooms and the opposite. The signs said nothing about it's being legal and I never knew it to be and apparently these people want some laws put on the books on the subject. I don't think we need them. Cultural norms should be the rule. I don't use public rest rooms often so I really don't care. If a woman is taking a piss where I do, what do I care? As long as people are friendly and courteous what's the difference?
It's a gender identity issue.
I was impressed in my old museum visiting days to see the Florida Museum of Natural History had unisex facilities. I didn't go in but I think that is a good thing. It's the only instance in Gainesville that I know of unisex facilities. BRAVO!!! to them I say! We should get past seeing each other according to gender and see the divine self in all.

VP Madness at CQ Quarterly

2008-06-20T18:10:00.000-07:00

Well the readers of CQ have eliminated Hillary in their VP contest. Gov. Ed Rendell, one of her best supporters was chosen and now is up against Wes Clarke. Joe Biden and Bill Richardson are also in the contest and play it off in the other game.

e-mail subscriptions

2008-06-18T00:26:00.000-07:00

I got an e-mail from MoveOn.org just a little while ago. I'll be damned if I wanted it but they apparently thought I was a regular on their list.
That just wasn't so because I hadn't seen an e-mail from them since, I don't know, the Kerry candidacy. If I had seen it I certainly didn't pay any attention to it because I don't care for where they are coming from anymore.
They started out as an organization that wanted to stop the GD impeachment, now you hear of MoveOn as a group that wanted Gore's concession in 2000. Move on, get over it, you know. Nobody even cares what the truth is anymore but the truth is they were a group that wanted to stop the impeachment of President Clinton.
Now they're just looney tunes practicing ward politics, I think. That's what Mother Jones compared the new politics that Kerry brought with him, the renewed vigor of the Democratic Party, it's youth movement and registration of new voters in 2004.
It didn't inspire me when I thought about sitting on a corner all day holding a sign that said Kerry/Edwards, Betty Castor and whoever that candidate for congress was.
But MOJO is HARD HITTING JOURNALISM and couldn't say "that would be unfair" like CBS did for G.W.
So, I cancelled my subscription and one of the options, they had a drop down text box where you coud select with a click, was support for Obama. I just clicked it and didn't do any writing for them. But later I thought, since when have they been sending me e-mails?

Funerals

2008-06-18T00:03:00.000-07:00

I saw Tim Russert's casket on TV while I worked out.
It was a beauty wasn't it? I wonder how much it cost.
I wonder how much the whole funeral cost?
You think it got around $100,000?
My mother's casket and funeral cost around $12,500.

Weeds and the Secret Diary of a Call Girl

2008-06-17T23:06:00.000-07:00

I also saw the first episodes of Weeds and The Secret Diary of a Call Girl.
Pretty good shows.

FDR Revisited

2008-06-17T22:57:00.000-07:00

I saw a couple of episodes of FDR Revisited on the History Channel last night.
How terribly sad about his polio and his death.
I thought a lot of my mom when I watched it. It was her era. A brother of hers was wounded in the war and died of his wounds. My polish uncle, the one married to mom's little sister also served in Europe. A cousin of my dad's was shot in Italy and lived with a metal plate in his head.
It was very moving for me watching this addendum on this hero of theirs. Whether people were racist or tolerant they all like FDR in my family.
You'll hear things like, "He put people to work," or "he made work for people."
I guess it moved me to think of a president that had a common thing like your job in mind as administered his government.
I never in my life thought I would not have a job when I grew up but that is how it has been. Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton and G.W. Bush have done nothing that has enabled me to get a serious job. During the Clinton administration I had a work/study job through financial aid when I went back to school to study information technology. The certificate in business data processing that I achieved then has done no good in helping me obtain a job.
Bush has spent trillions on a war but nothing on helping me.

DIVERSITY?

2008-06-17T17:34:00.000-07:00

Today I'm raging about diversity. In 2004 the Dalai Lama got to be on television. If you missed it that's because you don't get LINK TV on your cable or some shit like that. That's where the motherfucker was.
He was on with Amy Goodman and the rest of the left wing do gooders.
I'm just fed up. I went to the gym today but first I went to Wal-Mart, the new one that so many little business people protested. Even left wing do gooder little business people who have no work for me. I went there and a black man had the key to the dressing rooms. I really went for a t-shirt because I forgot to PACK mine for the gym. It's a little packing thing I have to do whenever I go to the gym, like I'm going away for the weekend (unfortunately, it's just a couple of hours at most). The black man was elderly and he reminded me of the community college science teacher who kind of "hangs out" at the Siddha Meditation Center. He's always there and he's a grouch and a no good, too. I figure the whole thing is about Obama.
Last night I had a dream I was rich and I went down town or somewhere from my wealthy apartment, in my Cadillac or Limousine and I met some young black people. They were high schoolers and one was a female who wanted to screw. I had to tell her I was 55. Didn't matter to me. I realized inside the dream that the high school thing couldn't have been real.
I have racism on the brain I guess because I resent everything that has happened. I've been supporting Hillary since 2006, my mother has died and they have taken away even visits from the candidates to my state. I was thinking today of being a republican and I realized I would still be angry because I might well have supported Guilliani if I had been. And he got jewed by this half a delegate shit, too, didn't he?
There's a VP for McCain, Guilliani.
But, back to being DIVERSE.
They've got lesbians and queers on TV and in the public view complaining about their rights and their lives but I don't see the Siddha Yogis out there, or the Hare Krsnas or Adidam Devotees. They are just shit on. There are no professors, no visits to the BIG MOFO SCHOOL that flunked us out, no businesses in the MOFO town that doesn't give us a job for 30 years.
They put Dalai Lama on their GD station and you think they doing you some big MOTHERFUCKING FAVOR!
He is the leader of a nation in exile. That's why he is on their super POLITICO news shows. IT'S ALL POLITICS ALL THE TIME!
I HOPE THEY ALL HAVE HEART ATTACKS AND DIE!!!
LIKE RUSSERT!
So I see Maddow on a show today while I'm working out. She whispers in my ear how she's a lesbian. I guess it must be something on her big AIR AMERICA show. The one with all the stinking commercials. She's a lesbian. Big FUCKING DEAL!
HEY, but give me a motherfucker who follows Da, or Mayi, or Krishna or reads and believes in the Urantia Book and watch the fucking RATINGS go DOWN!!!
THAT'S the kind of GOING DOWN they don't believe in on LIBERAL TALK RADIO!!!
So FUCK 'EM! FUCK 'EM GOOD!
FUCK 'EM LIE WE BEEN FUCKED! 30 YEARS WITHOUT A JOB OR A FRIEND!
NO ONE BUT MA!!! FUCK 'EM FUCK 'EM FUCK 'EM!!!!!!!!!

2008-06-04T09:44:00.000-07:00

So, I guess, now it's over. I'm just sitting here wanting to buy this book Glory of the Divine Mother (Devi Mahatmyam) by S. Sankaranarayanan. I have read about the Devi Mahatmyam and it sounds like a very beneficial book but I am having problems getting into my account. I ordered some books at Amazon before and apparently they have the wrong credit card online for me. I decided I didn't need those books, Vishnu Purana by H.H. Wilson whom the Krsna Conscious devotees are not so fond of as he was an english man and not so attuned to the absolute truth, and a new book by Paul Mueller-Ortega. I now can't find Paul, who is with Siddha Yoga. Or, that is, his new book.
So, I'm sitting here undressed having just showered and I am thinking about work. Why don't I have any? Why can't I get a job? I went to a place called The Job Junction which is an adjunct of Good Will last week and found some openings at Shands and another at the School Board of Alachua County but although I was able to apply for the opening at Shands I got confused, as I recall, at SBAC.
I think there was an opening to drive a shuttle at the School Board. I was into that.
I've been thinking of trying to get a more advanced drivers license. If you know where I might be able to go to school to get one please drop me an e-mail. Or comment here at this blog.
I am desperate for work also so if you know where I might get some, PLEASE!!!

Om Gam Ganapataye Namah

2008-06-02T17:35:00.000-07:00

I'm getting very upset with Black Christianity these days. Barack Obama having thrown it into the limelight with his radical church.
Of course he says his religious beliefs were very conventional. Keeps him from being laughed at I suppose. Imagine a believer in Krishna running for president.
HOLY CRAP! Imagine a Krishna Conscious person running a state or representing the people better than this BUNCH of BANANAS.
Of a practicer of Siddha Yoga. I wonder about Baba being defamed as a child molester or as I just read, Swami Satchidananda being accused of sleeping with female followers. I wonder if the politicians are behind that.
I fine young fellow who used to visit this area was accused of sleeping around, too, his name was Yogi Amrit Desai. The total inattention to it all is what is most amazing. You might think the Guru is protected by the minority rights so big in our nation or the politically correct, but they are not, you find.
Less pressure on your meat eating. Nobody telling me I'm killing cows when I scarf down my hamburger. Is that the REAGAN DEMOCRATS?
It just pisses me off. I was posting over at TM (Taylor Marsh) and they were accusing her of being so far right wing because she posts news of new tapes from the infamous Obama church. They are not going to let Taylor into the convention so she can "smear" their nom.
I had to wonder was this one of the Black Christians for Obama. They aren't eating this turn the other cheek bullshit. I wonder if they would want to join Baba because he is not for that, but no, Baba might make them stop eating meat and that is their real GOD.
Social service is well and good but if you can have it with salami and mustard so much the better. That's why a young Obama doesn't go following the Jerry Brown way back in the 80's but turns to his radical black church which is fairly conventional religion. Yes, it hides behind the fairly conventional religion. And what good is the fairly conventional religion?
Isn't it this religion that Marx is talking about when he says religion is the opiate of the masses. What religion did he know?
It was only through reading that very UNCONVENTIONAL Bhagawan Rahneesh that I learned that the founder of Marxism was a JEW!!!
How many of you have read Martin Buber? He was well represented in Siddha Yoga's DARSHAN magazine. He was a jewish mystic.
To hell with the mystics though, we have our conventional religion, that has been so kind.

Great Day in Puerto Rico!

2008-06-01T15:02:00.001-07:00

My brother was sent to Puerto Rico when he was in the Air Force. He came home on leave all full of Que Pasa. It meant what's happening.
He was stationed near San Juan. It's all I've ever learned about it.
Living in Florida you would think I would take the chance and go to P.R. but I never did.

So we had a great day there winning in a landslide.

I mentioned Swami Shantananda and his book The Splendor of Recognition over at TM. And what a strange coincidence, Swami Shantananda is from Puerto Rico!!!

Speaking of Assasination

2008-05-24T05:40:00.000-07:00

I've been very busy at my pitas blog. There's a link at this site if you want to go there.
It's seems a little sexist to me that we talk of the possibility of Obama being killed but not of Hillary. Just look at all the hate and venom being spewed at her. Reminds me of Bush attacking Iraq when Al Qaida was in the mountains of Afghanistan.

But we associate assasinations with men. At least those assasinated are men, the Kennedys, Martin Luther King, Jr. and of course Jesus whose death say Christians redeemed the damned souls of mankind.

Joan of Arc, well no big thing. It was the Catholic Church that killed St. Joan. Burned her at the stake. The Catholic Church which she loved. Isn't that the damnable thing!!!

I said at Pitas and at TM doesn't anyone think with all this venom about get out, get out some madman - or woman, could get it into their head to get her out by violence?

I guess they will wait until it happens to be convinced it can.

Have you got a Reality Check for a Hippie?

2008-05-21T19:59:00.000-07:00

I am paralyzed by my lack of work and work experience. I also have no
Bachelor's of the Arts degree.
I lived off of my parents earnings. My father died, thank God, in 1992 and my mom graduated from this world in 2007.
Mom left me the home built in 1970.
So, I've been thinking of a home equity loan. Doesn't sound so cool as that Reality Check they had a while back, and I'm sorry we never got to take advantage of that. I guess mom was concerned about interest and paying it back.
Student loans are great. The Stafford Loan I got when I went to school to study information technology had a low interest and I was surprised at how many years I would have been allowed to spread the payments. Unfortunately, I lived in a kind of dream world with my mom. If Billy had been here like he was before he married or if a woman had been able to tolerate my moods, the low ones in particular, maybe I would have spread that loan out over many years. I just didn't think about money.
Now, I'm afraid.
I don't know what right they have to deprive me of work. They say it's the economy and my lack of work experience. Funny the one job I had the supervisor called it a dead end job. I thought it was kind of nice but there was no promotions and no raises in pay since it was connected to financial aid. It wasn't really a dead end job but I think people should be protected who are in those dead end job situations. Still I would like a well paying job, with benefits and retirement.
Maybe my interest in Siddha Yoga turned one employer off. He was looking out for employees who take a job and then decide to go back to school. I wanted to be a swami once. I wonder if that was what made him say no to giving me the job.
So, to get back to my point. I was talking with my sister-in-law who works in a credit union giving car loans. She said I couldn't get a home equity loan without a job.
That seems queer to me first of all because I checked it out on the web and it said I could get a home equity loan. I was totally honest with the online form indicating that I was not employed. I have gotten my fair share of credit cards without employment, too, though there have been some who would not give me a card because I do not work.
That was the situation at Prosper.com. I had a large credit card debt and I was waiting for the court to dissolve a trust and give me what my mother intended that I have. Prosper wouldn't give me a loan. Some who contacted me by e-mail asked how did I expect to pay the loan back if I didn't have a job.
I didn't notice any finance charges on my credit card. I was worried about the APR.
There had been one charge of some size but I kept a lookout for more. I couldn't get much information from the credit card company, at that time, Fleet Credit, which was associated with the Working Assets credit card.
So, I don't trust Prosper anymore.
I'm concerned about when I have to pay back.
I want to sell my house but I would like to make some improvements, maybe move out before I do. There is a lot of sentimental value but I'm between a rock and a hard place now.

My brother, my brother, my brother.

2008-05-20T22:21:00.000-07:00

As I grew up I had 2 older brothers. One was 13 years older and the other 9.
Both of them were called Connolly. My name is Bryan.
The THING was that mom wasn't married when she had my brother so she used the name from her first marriage. She was divorced and my father had some problem with getting his own divorce and marrying mom.
I had to learn this from papers I found after my mother died.
My brother is not for Hillary. The older brother, who is still called Connolly, does not vote and has no position. He was a child from my mother's first marriage to an Irish Catholic cab driver.
I have lots of southern cousins named Bryan. Whether John changing his name to Bryan had anything to do with my knowing them I really don't know. I like them, or dislike them for what they are.
I gave John some things when he came. I gave him my father's guns. I offered him a picture and then he also took another. He wanted this picture of our father's mother and father which the family had gotten colorized. That was okay and then I showed him a picture of our mother's mother and he wanted that. But I showed him a picture of mom's father and he didn't want that.
Now I'm a little irritated that he took the picture of our grandmother. It was a classic photo that grandma had posed for. It was a portrait photo. It had been here for all the years I had been here with mom and I feel maybe I shouldn't have let go of it.
He made a big deal over one of the guns. Like that was his gun. It was a single barrel shotgun they call a 410. It has something to do with the gauge of the barrel.
I wonder how often Mr. Bryan went hunting with his little Connolly son. Was it just like when I went hunting with him?
And did he bring his Connolly son to Florida just like he brought me?
I hear some stories about Florida but I think I'm being lied to.

Veterans Benefits - 1977

2008-05-20T19:25:00.000-07:00

They are fighting over education for our veterans.
I have nothing against education for them but you know I resent some of the privelege veterans get like 10 points on civil service exams.
I am not a veteran.
I also fear gay discrimination. I have slept with a man from time to time and sometimes I give up on a job because I think, well, I am gay, I won't be given that job.
As much as I might actually be bisexual, it doesn't matter.
You might say it's my glass is half empty point of view but there is a lot of media out there and a lot of fear. I prefer the word fear to paranoia because I don't think the fear is unfounded. Paranoia is unfounded fear.
It was exactly this combination of factors that kept me from getting a job in the post office back in 1977.
That was when Anita Bryant was so big. I was a Bowie guy and my elder cousin heard of a job available at the post office in University City. I took the exam and worried that a vet would beat my score but to my surprise I was called. I don't recall if it was a call for an interview or an introduction to the job, but I was having a lot of gay fantasies then and I just quit on it. I never went to the meeting, whatever it was.
What a year 1977 was. Elvis died and so did Bing Crosby. Groucho Marx died in '78.
I learned later that Bhaktivedanta Prabhupada also died in 1977 but that's no big deal.

Boy, I sure like Hillary.

2008-05-18T20:43:00.000-07:00

I was with my brother today. He came down from N.C. and woke me up at 4 in the afternoon.
I came home after he went anti-nomination on me at my step-brother's house. There was no fight I just didn't have the "superior" argument, you know like christians who say they are saved by the death of Lord Jesus do.
So, I came home and I found at Taylor's some folks were negative about Kennedy's seizure. She closed the comments down on that particular post.
I am not sure if I said anything negative because I had checked to see if anything bad had happened to Kennedy before I posted. One fellow did say he thought it was God's vengeance for his support of Obama. He wasn't serious I know but still I don't agree with this particular point that wealth or wellness have anything to do with God's grace.
Although I have just bought a picture of Mahalakshmi who is the Goddess of Wealth in Hinduism and I have chanted her hymn Shri Mahalakshyastakam Stotram. I have been warned that she bestows spiritual wealth. On the other hand another hymn I chant, Shri Guru Gita says it bestows not only spiritual liberation but worldly fulfillment as well.
Still, I have read a book called THE URANTIA BOOK and it took issue with this very thing. I don't know if it were an Archangel's paper or a Midwayer's but it said exactly what I just said that these outward shows of prosperity and wealth have nothing to do with a person't disposition toward God.
I get a little upset that my own reading gets such little attention. Nobody makes movies of books I've read and there are no television shows exploring the statements of the books I've read except to damn them in certain instances.
In this respect I haven't seen Sen. Kennedy do anything to stop deprogramming for instance, or to creat financial aid for those who would want to follow these Spiritual Paths.
There was a Senator who had a stroke just before my mother had one. What has become of him. Nobody cares about him because he is not a president's brother. Geraldine Ferraro has a serious disease nobody spoke about when her name came up in the press over her comments and President Clinton had a heart attack in 2004 that abbreviated his involvement in the 2004 presidential campaign.
Do you hear the way RFK, Jr. speaks? I know his son has asthma but I am not sure I know what's wrong with him. Has he switched his commitment to Hillary? A news reporter said George McGovern had once supported Hillary and switched. I wonder about RFK, Jr. who has a video over at HillaryClinton.com supporting Hillary.
He must live in California and when that race was over so was his involvement.
He has environmental concerns and it was good to see that he was on our side.
He and the son of Caesar Chavez.
I'll have to think about them when Tom Hanks comes on again.

The White Knight syndrome

2008-05-15T21:19:00.000-07:00

Remember the white knight?
Avoiding the white knight syndrome more and more politicians became policy oriented. Now you have someone like Hillary Clinton being called a wonk because she know so much about policy.
No more white knight we said and our politicians listened to that.
Now isn't it exactly the white knight that has happened with Obama at least before Rev. Wright?
Why is the white knight back?

New Vrindaban in West Virginia

2008-05-13T16:44:00.000-07:00

All this talk about West Virginia has me wanting to visit Prabhupada's Palace of Gold which is in West Virginia.
I visited the web site. They have tours that appear to be quite inexpensive.
Hare Krsna Hare Krsna Krsna Krsna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare.

Democrat No More!

2008-05-12T21:38:00.000-07:00

I filled out the form to switch from Democrat to no party affiliation tonight and put it out in the mail box.
Soon I will no longer be a Democrat.

I'm very angry.

2008-05-07T01:38:00.000-07:00

I'm very angry.

I don't have a job but I own a house.

I don't have any more money either.

I have diabetes and high blood pressure and high cholesterol that makes me pay for prescription that run, I guess about $140 a month. Just because I get some at Wal-Mart that give me generics for $4 a bottle. I get 3 generics.

But one for my cholesterol costs $120 a month I think. It's called Niaspan and it's recommended by a little group with Public Citizen called WorstPills.org.

WorstPills.org has created a list of pills that although OK with the FDA they believe are still dangerous for you to take.

When I mention WorstPills.org to a doctor or a Health Clinic I get mocked and made fun of but they do give in. Unfortunately it looks like the Niaspan is not doing such a great job of controlling my cholesterol.

My diabetes had gotten so bad that someone asked me if I had wanted to take insulin. You know, give myself a little shot in the stomach. I got this in the hospital once and it isn't pleasant in any way. I have seen talk that some people prefer this way to control their blood sugar levels. It's not for me.

I got lucky. Maybe it was the angry way in which I took talk of insulin but I stopped my big eating and got back to the diabetic diet that requires you to eat just a little every couple of hours and check you blood sugars with a glucometer. It means sticking your finger with a little pen but it doesn't hurt terribly.

I started losing weight as soon as I skipped a couple of meals that day. I took a long drive and didn't eat. Eventually I changed my gym which was a real big one in Gainesville, FL. I went to a smaller one and they gave me a class that even further reduced my weight. So things are looking good in the health land but I still have no job.

I have been thinking of getting a home equity loan and looking into it seems like people get these loans for a variety of reasons. I thought I would fix up my home to where I could get a good price for it but I'm afraid because of the market for homes. I understand they aren't selling and I see a lot of homes right by me that aren't selling.

I am warned that I could lose my home if perhaps I never got a job and I never sold the house and they foreclosed. I guess that's the term for it.

So, I'm just worried, worried, worried all day long and now I'm even more worried that they are actually going to nominate Barack Obama to be the next POTUS.

I don't know. I watched a video last night by my Guru Gurumayi called TRUST. Trust is transcendent she said. I don't know. I don't know who to trust right now.

I can't even get up in the daytime. I spend all my time up at nights. And it's not like I live in Las Vegas, everything here closes at night. Drug stores, some supermarkets (actually just one) are open all night.

Just felt like venting a little bit because I was feeling so hateful. It seems like the black members of the Democratic Party are going to give us Barack Obama come hell or high water and I was feeling a little angry at them.

I went to a desegregated high school and a nice black family moved in some years ago to this neighborhood which had never had a minority family, except once a Korean family, live here. They came to my mother's wake and have been very kind.

But boy, Donna Brazile can put me over the edge. Doesn't that woman give a damn about her health? Look at how fat she has gotten!!! She's gotta have diabetes or something. That happened to me. I got immense and when I went to a doctor to see about weight loss they found I had developed diabetesII.

Remember Ted Kennedy how immense he was? People made fun. That's Miss Brazile. Why the hell do they want her up there? Have they loss their sense of the cosmetic all of a sudden? They had better get rid of all that technoglitter if they have.

And boy is she black? Does she use make up to darken a little? I mean do they have make up that does that? Because you talk about being BLACK!!!

That was part of my anger tonight. I remembered how a lot of black kids didn't like white kids, even hippie whites. Very militant! Very BLACK! The words were synonomous.

Well, I thought I would just put that out there since it's an open thread.

There was that little bit about sex and Hillary Clinton that the guy from Countdown, Wolf, had written about. All I can say is she's not unattractive and Chelsea certainly looks good.

Isn't it chauvinistic to see women in that way?

And if you want to talk about a politician in bed I bet a lot of nasty thing could be said about Rap Sister Michelle Obama and the Bro.

Over at the Martians'

2008-04-25T02:33:00.000-07:00

All ma gooooood writin' is being over there at the Martians.
Hear is some of the theengs I wroted over there.

When I see these things about terrorist connections I think of LINK TV. There was a show there called Democracy NOW and I think a lot of you here would enjoy it but they did have some coverage of Al-Jazeera there. Hope I've spelled it right and it was controversial and I think Bush was caught on tape talking about what he was going to do to this network and it caused quite a stir. There was even talk of impeachment over it.
I now have forgotten what that was all about.
But you know another associations thing occurred here in Florida in the race for the Senate between Betty Castor and Mel Martinez. There was a man generous to I think, the Palestinian cause, and his contributions sometimes went to some organizations now characterized as terrorist organizations.
Of course there were also four hurricanes that year that came through our invalid state. I can't name them all but I remember Frances.

Eddie Bryan | Homepage | 04.25.2008 - 04:53 am | #

Oh, yeah this was about the Reverend.
I fear I post a little too much.

And too long.

But I have problems with Christianity. I don't believe in the Paschal Lamb. I don't believe Jesus died for the sins of man.

I do believe Jesus was murdered.
I have read that our backward and misguided world can take the blame.

I don't believe in the physical resurrection of Jesus. I believe he reappeared to the Apostles and others in a spiritual form.

And I believe in a spiritual master.

There was bigotry in Rev. Wright's remarks and I am familiar with bigotry not as a black person but as what was once known as a "hippie" and as a follower of an underesteemed spiritual path.
I have heard so much mocking of the spiritual path, comments on its limits (nobody wants to give up "everything" meaning sex, drugs and rock and roll), and on its downright irrationality (do you think this world does not exist?).
It isn't fair to project but I imagine a Rev. Wright, whom we have been told was a marine, talking about the OTHER LORD, a Krishna or a Shiva or a Buddha, damning them and talking about the superiority of his Jesus.
It's a bigotry that I guess American TV would not see. They only understand about Amerikkka. But when he talked about Italians and j\Jews in other sermons (or were they other sermons) I picked up on how he loved the Lord Jesus and all other concepts of God could go str8 to HELL.
That far left, out of the war, share the wealth politic always has a devoted Christian they can endorse for president. I guess they are having difficulty making the Guru a Marxist.

Blue Spot: Honking for Hillary

2008-04-21T18:43:00.000-07:00

Blue Spot: Honking for Hillary

Another petition to make Florida and Michigan count.

2008-04-21T16:09:00.000-07:00

Here is another petition to make Florida and Michigan count.
These were legitimate electoral processes run by their states.
You know the Republicans in Florida who dominate the legislature attached voting with a paper trail to the moving of this primary up.
Every Democrat pushed for that. Betty Castor put in extra effort to get the voting process to include a paper trail. Now the national party wishes to penalize us for moving the primary up when New Hampshire and South Carolina did the same thing.
Sign the petition to protest this special treatment by the DNC.
This petition has a fine website explaining what has gone on.

HillBuzz: LGBT Community Endorsements in Pennsylvania

2008-04-20T20:22:00.000-07:00

HillBuzz: LGBT Community Endorsements in Pennsylvania

I've been following this. Do you think that by ignoring Gays Obama looks more like a Rock Star?
With his finger in the air the other day he gets noticed as a kind of Gangsta Rocker to some.
They say he gets so much favor from the educated, liberal upper class. Don't they have gay sons and lesbian daughters? It's not hard for me to remember the campaign in California to allow gays to teach. I think there is still some kind of law against it around America. With so much negativity is it likely there will be any exploring sexually around this country?
I once favored a polygamous commune called Kerista. It's as strange as being gay and it even includes them in its BFIC, best friends intensive community.
But you know Obama is religious. He has been SAVED! and while I don't have much against Jimmy Carter and Bob Dylan I do think he is exploiting his religion to become the Democratic nominee for president.
He might have lost a lot of black christians if he gave interviews to Gay publications or spoke out strongly in favor of gay marriage. And so he didn't.
They call that being smart. But it's not having courage.
It would be courageous of him to allow Florida and Michigan to count. Even a revote would have counted as some kind of balls, but he didn't. How good is that for the Democratic Party?
I recently posted at Taylor Marsh how I had to get the book on Primaries in America because I have never heard of a political party disallowing the votes of the members of their party before.
But I digress. We need to care about LGBT rights. Their rights are our rights.

Stealing Cars?

2008-04-12T17:39:00.000-07:00

I saw a little big of Joe in the Morning today. I have it on a season pass in my TiVo but seriously I don't watch but little bits and drabs of it. Actually, I'm afraid. I'm afraid of network news and the kinds of ugly things they are going to say about my friend Hillary or her husband or maybe even Chelsea or anyone who supports her campaign.
So, on Joe in the Morning it's a big flap that Bill Clinton mentions stealing cars. He's talking about Obama not taking money from oil companies and he mentions no one being allowed to take money from oil companies. So he imagines an ad that says and guess what I don't steal cars.
So, immediately the "other" guy on Joe in Morning, the one less famous, says some people will take that the wrong way. Of course, Obama people, will take it and twist into something racist rather than answer this bullshit that no one can take oil money.
He seemed to be implying that black people steal cars. That it's something the racist white people have accused black people of for years, CAR THEFT.
I just wasn't aware of that. I thought maybe the MOB stole cars. Saw a lot of that on The Sopranos. It's just something you aren't allowed to do.
Hillary has been advocating some program to reduce crime, in particular murder, but no one could equate murder with stealing cars. It had to be a racist jibe. And of course they had to miss the point of Obama's declarations about taking money from oil companies.
Not since New York basketball fans used to flatter basketball great Walt (Clyde) Frazier have I ever heard of black people and auto theft. But then Clyde was only said to have hands so quick he could take the hubcaps off of a car moving at 60 miles an hour. Was that a racist thing to say? We are all aware of car theft. I've never heard it associated with any particular ethnic group except perhaps the young.

I fast forwarded through that Joe in the Morning and they seemed to have dedicated a lot to former President Clinton's remarks. Chris Matthews appeared. They said they were going to have Axelrod but I didn't see him. But then I was fast forwarding.

If this is the most unbiased show toward Hillary Clinton I would hate to tune into the others and I don't.

How to Pick Up Girls

2008-04-02T22:24:00.000-07:00

Story about the pony. Maybe you heard it from Ronald Reagan but I heard it from Eric Weber author of the famous "How to Pick Up Girls."

I Love Her Blog

2008-04-01T20:12:00.000-07:00

Taylor Marsh has a wonderful blog. I don't know if she's a Reagan Democrat. She says so but that's not the latest post. It's about Obama's claims that he takes no money from the oil companies.
I've heard a lot of this and I believe he is caught in a lie here. I had to ask myself, is that what it means to be black. The statement is called slick at FactCheck.org.
That's what got the mind going. Slick and black, they always go together but I don't think that is what black people want black to mean. It has meant loyalty over the decades but it must also stand for character because after all we should be judged by our strength of character and not the color of our skin. That's what Martin Luther King said.

And it's a big argument, this being black. Just a few years ago I heard black girls who were making excellent grades in school were demeaned by their peers as being not black.
Is being slick, black or is it having that white filling.
And what will the heroes call blue whenever they hear about THAT.
I read a letter to the New York Times by Jeremiah Wright. He claims the Times really ripped him off in an interview using only what the chose to use. I noticed in the letter he had said to the Times reporter, according to him, that Obama knew of Sufism. I have a lot of respect for Sufism.
Luckily the reverend didn't paint Obama as one of those Guru nuts, though, like Gov. Moonbeam of 2 and a half decades ago.

Read here what Obama had to say about "religion" in 2006. And look through the comments because I made a comment on it.

Pennsylvania Race

2008-04-01T19:24:00.000-07:00

I posted to Taylor Marsh that I was happy that Hillary got her 3 million dollars by April 1, but it hurt.
Now, after we gave Hillary all that money we read about the race tightening.
Yeah, well there hasn't been a debate yet.
When they say things like Obama winning with Democratic conservatives I wonder what that is about. You know Paul Krugman called Obama's fiscal policies conservative. Is that what they like or do they like a man who doesn't give a promise to get out or Iraq in 60 days. After what his foreign policy advisor Samantha Power said about his having to wait and see I am afraid we might see the hawk in Obama if let into the White House.
And it's not just Iraq. Many called for intervention in Darfur. That could be okay if you know what you are doing. Hillary's husband Bill did not know what he was doing in Somalia when the famous Black Hawk Down incident happened. It was a shame but he made up for it in Kosovo.
Hillary can't claim to be her husband and I think we are really seeing her come out from under his shadow lately. I think it is a problem with President Clinton that makes people think that Hillary will not tell the truth and allows Obama's team to continually call her a liar.
We know of course that President Clinton lied about Monica Lewinsky, but we hate lying because it isn't playing fair and who could call the Ken Starr investigation or the Supreme Court's decision that President Clinton could be sued while in office, fair?
Convenienly fair. Never before has that been allowed and I don't see Dick Cheney who is being sued having to go to court while he is office. It makes it very difficult for a president to manage the nation's business.
It's something to learn more about if your a college student studying law and the Oval Office.

Hey, look at this - old issue of AANR Bulletin

2008-03-30T19:31:00.000-07:00

Hello! I am a nudist and I receive a paper called The Bulletin from the American Association for Nude Recreation. I can't keep up with all the material from associations I belong to and so a lot of them end up on my living room floor or in my recycled carton.
In the March issue there is an editorial about the FCC fining ABC for a five year old episode of NYPD Blue in which they showed a naked buttock.
ABC was fined 1.7 million which breaks down to a "$17,500 penalty for every ABC affiliate that aired the episode with this sequence before 10 P.M. This occurred apparently due to time zone differences."
The group responsible for the complaint are the Parents Television Council.

The Race Card

2008-03-30T17:29:00.000-07:00

This from oxycon a poster at Taylor Marsh.
And some petitions are here and here.

Independance

2008-03-29T18:47:00.000-07:00

Since at HillBuzz I read of the blogger ready to quit the Democratic Party and register as an Independant, upset as he was over the value put on caucuses and the leaving of Michigan and Florida out of the Democratic Party's decision making I have myself started to give that some consideration.
Next thing you know I'm remembering how Joe Lieberman, who was supported by Obama for the Democratic nomination for the Senate seat in Connecticut, ran as an Independant and defeated both the Democrat and Republican to return to the Senate.
You might like to read this essay at website linked to from a post at TaylorMarsh.
Maybe you should also read this at Political Punch, a fellow they call Tapper.
I haven't seen a comment yet but when I see superdelegates go to Obama I think of what Lieberman did and think Hillary could do it, too, except for the presidency of the United States of America.

Misogyny on the Left

2008-03-28T18:24:00.000-07:00

Wasn't a woman president of Nicaragua? She wasn't a member of the military and she defeated Daniel Ortega. Ortega is back though and I don't know much about the elections in Nicaragua, I think its wonderful they have them as does Iran, but I think Ortega has won out and become president again.
I was just thinking of him because I think the Left is misogynist. Mao, Lenin, Castro - all men and the things they asked of the people are quite manly. Oh, don't forget the very masculine Hugo Chavez in Venezuela and the ruthlessly male Robert Mugabe in Zimbabwe.
I also don't know much about that but there are the books by Solzhenitsen.
The last time I saw him he was at one of those right wing religious preacher's places giving a talk, I guess. He seems to support the right in America. He should get together though with Dalai Lama now that the Dalai Lama is here that would be a wonderful relationship. I wonder if they have ever met.
The Left has told the women on the Left forget about Hillary. She is her husband's pawn. She is not going to be the people's president. That will be Obama, the black - and I hope you don't listen closely to this, - man.
Does that sound mean to you? Yeah, well I used to read Mother Jones but last year my mother died and I didn't have the time. The last good thing I saw in their magazine was the project to give housing to the homeless, that is help them learn to take care of themselves. It was a great issue.
But then there is Salon. I have enjoyed a lot of articles in Salon. I don't remember one right now. I liked the TableTalk even though I could not find a sould who believed in a Guru, something I still find unusual on this side of the political spectrum. I used to listen to Air America once in a while. My mom and I like Al Franken and that lovely young woman who co-hosted his show.
I used to subscribe to a magazine called American Prospect. I got a check back from them for my cancellation today. Well, indeed, with my mother dying my life is changing, but I don't read those things much anymore and with their support running against Hillary I hate to read them.
I have read some things on death by Adidam Samraj, a man respected by scholars but apparently unknown by the college graduates supporting Obama. Oh that's in the above poll how Obama leads among the college educated. Christ, I hope he is not misogynist. He says he is who I am. He is called the Avatarically Divine Sage, but he has many names.
I have followed Gurumayi Chidvilasananda for many years. I had a longing today to go up to New York and see her. Low fares from Jacksonville advertised at Travelocity and I think that's the one that William Shatner plugs. She used to send things about programs going on at the ashram but I haven't seen (that very complicated thing) in a long time.
I was going to ask her for a job. I looked at her picture and knowing her I thought to myself - but aren't the jobs right here. Yeah, I was thinking the Guru Gita the other day - it says you are my mother, and so forth and so not being too dumb I thought, you are my job.
Gurumayi you know, is a woman.

Emily's List Campaign and Poll

2008-03-28T18:10:00.000-07:00

Emily's List has a campaign going in Pennsylvania and a poll done by The Feldman Group with lots of good things in it.

Obama Most Liberal!

2008-03-28T17:05:00.000-07:00

If Obama is the most liberal how does he get off voting for Cheney's energy bill?
You know I have also read that he is soft on nuclear energy. Meaning he leans toward using it.
That isn't liberal. So he had to make up for that with some other votes. What were they?
Would we agree with them?