Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Dear Phil

O holy man, Mr. Goldberg.
Doesn't sound right. Maybe that's me.
Your name is corrupted with Sgt. Bilko,
Phil Silvers played him.
I wonder if I could use a Sgt. Bilko now,
a con man who could pull strings, a scheister.
I would be caught up with, but don't those
con artist do some good sometimes, like Maverick.

You see I'm all old tv shows now.
I don't want strings pulled for me. I know
I share the guilt for whateve laws the con
man breaks if I benefit from them.
All those masters in Surat Shabd keep
dying. Is that why you brought the subject
up in class, instructor?
Death, our fear of it.
Kirpal had died while still alive.
I am reminded in recent reading that
when we die we lose loved ones. Mom
said in a contemplation her church buddies
had her write, that I would be what she would
miss should she die right then.
I wonder how you are, good teacher friend. I bet

your hair has turned white in parts.
You know I always wanted to follow your

tradition, Surat Shabd, but I have fallen in with

the Siddhas - Gurumayi.
What is different but the objects of worship and

how are those objects of worship different. I have

read of simran, mental repetition of the mantra,

but wouldn't that just be natural.
I like chanting. I still believe in that though my

beliefs have been shaken from all angles. I

question reincarnation, I don't sit and meditate. I

listen to the singing of hymn and mantra quite

regularly. I think if I ever got off on the sitting

meditation it was from the energy of others.
Now I am feeling paranoid, looking out for the

enemies of mantra and meditation. Maybe I had

been weak with meditation but then maybe I

didn't have the organization or structure I needed.

It isn't offered in school and I wonder if it would

be the hot subject like multi-media presentation

was when I started at SFC in 1971.
So, I still repeat a mantra though, with beads in a

whisper. Om Namah Shivaya.
The Siddhas have a center on the north side. Very

neat and clean, very circumspect.
Ah, but I am at St. Francis House, unemployed

and deeply in debt.

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