I have to consider that once I thought I would never get my license back, never have auto insurance to get it back, never find any place to put my stuff. I thought I would always be crawling around in the van full of all the stuff from my apartment, skulking around to find a place to park it and sleeping in it, using public rest rooms. I never considered I could go to school. I was suspicious of the online colleges and really preferred a different major. Maybe a job will work the same way. I can't even imagine getting and by getting I mean being given a job. I'm pretty much out of money now. I have $14 left in my account and no cash, no food stamps (just $66 this month). I've been lucky with folks given me small jobs like moving furniture or sitting their apartment while they were gone. It would be good if something like that showed up now. Today, I have to go out to WalMart to get and submit prescriptions. I have a free all-day bus pass. I take the 6 to Rosa Parks and then the 11a to WalMart. Usually I am done by night and take the 15 from Rosa Parks home.
Can we blame Cano for Jeter's injuries. Watching Jete get injured reminds me of the Mick, Mickey Mantle. Mickey would get injured and the Yanks would go into a spin. They depended on him. It was a sin, almost like the way the Kennedys were killed, the way Mickey Mantle would get injured just as things were looking bright for him. No one to blame for Mickey's injuries but I was just thinking of Jeter and Rodriguez's injuries as well as maybe Teixeira's and others as the curse of the Mick for the Yankees. No such thing, of course, just as there was never a curse of the Bambino. It was just bad luck for Boston or maybe they just couldn't do Italian the way New Yorkers do. Anyway, I was wondering if the Cano's youth and vigor were a cause of Jeter's injuries and bad years. Sometimes I think Joe Torre leaving but I'm kind of superstitious guy. I loved that 1996 team. Jose Cardenalis was their 1st base coach. I loved Jose. I had his card once. He could run, he could and so a good fellow to have at 1st base. Not enough has been made I think of Jeter's number, number 2. Formerly warn by the eternal 3rd base coach Frank "The Crow" Crosetti. Frank loomed big in our eyes as a Yankee legend when we got hooked on the Yankees in the 60's. I know he never won an MVP and I hear he played shortstop but there is a lot of bullshit out there about who was who and where and when they played. I hope Jeter can bounce back this year. I wonder if they think of putting Derek at 2nd base and picking up a shortstop on the market. What shortstop would they want? I remember Mickey playing 1st base. The only time I ever saw Mickey Mantle play he played 1st base. That was in like 1967 or 1968. He was a very big man.
When I lost my mother in 2007 I didn't know that I was soon on my way to homelessness. By 2012 I was on the street. I was 59 and "overqualified" for many jobs because of an Associates degree. Imagine, a 2 year college degree kept me out of work for most of my life. Thank God for Ma, but when she passed away, there was still no work and no one to give me what she so willingly did. I call myself poor now but I have at least gotten help by going back to school online. It increases my debt on the other hand but at least I have enough to eat. But, you know I shouldn't be saying that because the money I receive to go is supposed to go toward school work. I do have to eat to do my work though, don't you think? Really inflates your ego to hear you are overqualified to work in the burger places and what all, doesn't it? I can't work because I know of Abraham Maslow and his pyramid of needs or because I have heard of Plato's Phaedo and Phaedrus? Maybe because I am familiar with American and British Literature. We don't need no Shakespeare in here, boy, no William Faulkner nor Eudora Welty either. When I went to work at a labor pool there were some young workers there who felt exactly that way. Don't need no college, what they need is work. I thought I was but was the color of my skin wrong? Maybe I should not have been so uppity as to speak of Gurus and meditation. Gee, did I or do I just wear that? I do wear something, a japa mala, around my neck and I tell anyone who asks exactly what it is, that it is used to repeat the mantra. I tell them sometimes about the rudraksha beads that are part of it. I tell them rudraksha means tears of Shiva and that these beads represent the tears Shiva shed when Sati gave up her life because of her father's insult at not inviting her husband, the Lord, to an important meeting of many rishis. Not everybody gets that story, they just get to know it is a kind of holy necklace that yogis wear that also helps them in repeating their mantras, the prayers of the yogis. So, I guess I do wear the fact that I am a follower of yoga and maybe that means to them a college educated dimwit, too lazy to be working at the same construction sites as them. What some of the rich believe is that poor people sing and dance all day. Remember what they used to say about black people? Have we forgotten it or weren't we educated in that regard? Black people didn't WANT TO WORK and enjoyed lazing about singing and dancing all day long. One of the Indian Swamis who came to the west, the famous Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada advertised that as exactly what the Hare Krishna religion was all about, singing and dancing and feasting. I read later in a book by Ram Tirth, that Americans already thought of the yogis as lazy Orientals. Mix that in with some college and what have you got, a good reason for business to say no to you when you apply for work. I shouldn't really put it that way though. D. R. Butler (Ram) says I create my own misery and by describing it in that way, as though there is a prejudice, as if the world is full of nothing but injustice I reinforcing a very old samskara of mine. I just offered it because I had read this article at AlterNet about some comments by rich people about poor people. Yeah, so now I'm poor.
How I wish there were some other way to incorporate this knowledge without the constant papers. A mentor or some other stimulating physical presence who knows and understands these things would be my preference. The jargon and language (I am not being redundant) is so difficult and without a class that meets and people talking it is so hard to "imbibe" as a friend of mine used to say. How am I going to use this in my profession is a question one friend I met through Argosy classes asked me. What did she need with algebra, she queried. I wish I could talk to more class mates but so far this mother of 3 has been the only one. Some have reached out to me in e-mails asking for help in some classes. I sent my paper to the SmartThinking tutor and she said the quotes alone leave readers hanging. I think she was saying readers don't really get the research article and need some summing up or something by the writer. It has been the source of some suffering for me the past week. I seem to start to resent authorities. I remember not finishing college when I was in my 20's. I was in my 3rd year (as I still am) but I couldn't get off of academic probation. I kept imagining I had one year to go but so much difficulty. I was told I had to petition to get back in school if I could not raise my average to 2.0 (from 1.2) in one quarter (as opposed to semesters which came later at that school). It was called Temporary Suspension. I gave up at that point. I didn't even know what petitioning was. When I returned to the community college I graduated from in 1974 they had me petition to be allowed to pursue courses in information technology. It was a really simple thing, just paper work. The tutor also noticed I had some sentence fragments in my paper. Terrible. I was praised for my writing when I started here at Argosy but now I am not writing so well, it seems. And I have had computer difficulties, freezing up and not being able to get system restore to work. I have had to "refresh" Windows 8 and that mean reinstalling programs like my Open Office and Norton Internet Security as well as Google Chrome. In addition (this is not internal locus) I have had trouble with doctors at the health clinic who were not happy with my most recent blood work. The blood sugar, triglycerides and cholesterol were all up. My blood pressure seems to be good though. I don't like it when doctors get ugly. In fact I left before seeing a doctor because I knew the doctor they were sending me to and I believed he was going to get ugly with me. I asked not to be sent to him but I didn't think they were going to fulfill my wishes so I went home without a needed prescription for blood pressure medicine. My blood pressure has been so good, though. I don't care. I got very upset. I am without transportation and have to WALK everywhere. My money is running low so I try to avoid the bus. "Oh, God won' you buy me a Mercedes Benz?" sang Janis Joplin but my friends don't have Porsches.
I went to the University of Florida straight out of high school. I would love to blame someone or something for my poor showing. One flaw was that I did not get a commuter sticker to park my car in the commuter parking lot. For one thing, my cousin Roy Brown did that, for another it seemed like a long walk to the campus from there. I was full of conflicts about my school experience. Many thought I could survive the University but I was conscious of having done pretty poorly in school in some subjects, for instance British Literature in my senior year as well as Trigonometry that year as well. I smoked and drank and took drugs. My car was a pitiful 1964 Falcon painted a kind of Navy beige by my father and his older brother Uncle Sidney. It had no radio and was a clutch. It was not the kind of car a man bought for a son he hoped would do well in school. My cousin Roy on the other hand had a Heavy Chevy as it was called, a brand new Chevy version of a muscle car. It was not really Dodge's Duster but it didn't look bad. I understood having things that were not cutting edge and the Heavy Chevy wasn't. Or was it a Super Chevy? So long ago. Roy worked for his father a local farmer and completed the University. No doubt these days he is saying he bought that car himself.
So, I never parked at the commuter lot on campus. I got tickets. I got campus tickets and city tickets. I was also sitting in on classes at the community college, Santa Fe, where many of my friends from Hawthorne High School had classes and were enjoying them. I was on the precipice, at the University of developing that "we are superior to you" attitude that they have toward the community colleges, but I gave in and decided I would be going to the community college next term. I let some things go, like phys. ed, science and math. I was surprised to have passed math where I only managed to get to 2 or 3 classes the whole term. That teacher must have been a real rebel, truly against the war and helpful to young people, but not the phys. ed. teacher who appeared to be happy to fail me when I missed my 4th class. Maybe he liked Dick Nixon. Science, an 8:00 a.m. class gave me a mysterious X. They have no such grade at UF. At SFCC it means you take the class again to get credit. You can't do that at the state universities. All the state universities are in league with each other. If you are on probation at one you are on probation at all of them, so forget that transferring might cut you a break. That was life for me at 21 after I finished Santa Fe and my Associates degree. Everywhere I would like to go was the same story. I really had nowhere to go.