Friday, June 20, 2014

A share for siddha yoga website that was too long. Only 175 words were allowed.

I had been reading and listening to Yoga Vasishtha last night. I shared it with a person on Facebook called The White Hindu. We have been discussing things like reincarnation and Sikhism and discrimination. Today she posted what she thought was a stereotype of a Western Hindu. It was a woman in matted locks dancing. I couldn't see that as a Hindu but really as a person of groups in America calling themselves Tribes, like the American Indians did. I have thought of the Krishna Devotional group as Hindus and then the memories of Krishna Devotees and Vasishtha. How they hate Vasishtha. A professor online discusses Vasishtha in audio. He is an Irish person and was quite congenial and so these memories of the furious fight the Gaudiya Vaishnavas put up about Vasishtha was particularly ugly and hurtful to my feelings. I will come out of it. The Vaishnava Acarya here, Acarya Deva who was one of Prabhupada's orignal 10 devotees who were given control over all of the Krishna Temples and dealings visits here. I have heard him talk. I know the attitude of the Krishna Gurus. I like to think of my own Guru when they annoy me as I know I do not have to follow them and they are rude in interrupting my devotion. So, I thought to myself I will go to the Siddha Yoga website and I will read the virtue but I was surprised that instead this wonderful song by, is it Shambhavi Christian (formerly Meg), appeared. What a lovely song. It made my day. I have her CD, Whatever It Takes and it is a lovely work. I had been working on a paper on counseling methods and one is called the Person Centered approach. Also included with Person Centered are Existential and Gestalt. I turned to Vasishtha for some commentary on Person Centered theory. D. R. Butler is very fond of Vasishtha and I receive his lessons (by scholarship - he is giving them free to me). I tried to find some comment on the Pratyahbhijnahridayam but I could not find any. I did find some peer reviewed research articles on Carl Jung and Kundalini Yoga. Discussion of tantra and the chakras went on in that document. Jung thought the lower chakras were important not in a sexual Freudian sense, but in his own way. I did not pay much attention to it. I have been chanting the Kundalini Stavah and so that's why I thought something of it. I remember being called young when I chanted Hare Krsna back in the woebegone days of the late 70's. Sometimes I did not know what it meant. I had had a dream, a strange dream and I woke up and would not chant because I felt the chanting brought the dream on and I was not too happy with it though it did have some redeeming features. So, I was young for not chanting but a dialog had been going on and I did not know if I was young as in young or if I  was young as in Jung or if I was young as in a 5th grade teacher named Fred Young who was very popular in childhood village but then was occused of child molestation and committed suicide. I also know that young people are said to be drawn mostly to the Hare Krsna Movement. Seeing the video and hearing Meg sing gave me some peace in what was a troubling morning (though it is afternoon). I am waiting on money and getting very consternated about it ( a loan stipend from my school where I am studying Psychology with a concentration on Substance Abuse Counseling). I am out of SNAP benefits. I am living in a friend's quarters where I have no closet but he has given me a bed and shelter, use of the stove, refrigerator and bathing facilities. He has been very helpful. He is a substance abuse counselor and we met at the Siddha Meditation Center here in Gainesville, Fl where we live. We have both had this awful cold. I have been taking medicine which is hard for me to get because I must rely on charity. There is a charitable health clinic hear associated with a United Methodist Church. They get me medicine for my various health issues which include diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and acid reflux. Also a bit near sighted. I have gone to the Krishnas to eat. I had their books and traded them for lunches which now cost money ($4). They have appeared at homeless helping places like St. Francis House, the Salvation Army and at this Methodist Church where medical help is offered to the homeless. Not sure if they had done that before I arrived. I remember telling them about my homelessness. There was nothing they could do. They could not put me up. They did make the deal on the food though. I do enjoy their nourishment, their Krsna prasada. I have prepared it myself in the kitchens of the homes where I previously lived. Mostly I lived with my mom and then after she died by myself. I also made some Siddha recipes, principally savory cereal and chai. So, feeling so hurt this morning with all my troubles I was so delighted to remember this is Birthday Month. I went to a 10 Day Gurumayi Birthday Intensive in 1992. I have unfortunately never been able to get back to Shree Muktananda Ashram in N. Y. I do continue with the text chants. I love the Guru Gita and pray for deliverance from chanting it and other texts in The Nectar of Chanting. I read and reread books, too. I am rereading Play of Consciousness and The Ramayana though I must admit I never thoroughly read the latter at all. I am enjoying the story of Vishvamitra and Vasishtha (oh, there's a coincidence) and how Vishvamitra coveted Vasishtha's wish fulfilling cow. Ah, yes, I also have work that is overdue for school.

Friday, May 2, 2014

On Unemployment

People will not have you in their homes anymore. That makes you stay in a lot. When you are unemployed you have nowhere to go, nowhere to enjoy the company of others and that is very painful. That was the story for me for about 14 years, but of course it was not work as such that ended that. I started to become concerned about my resume. The concern started before Gurumayi, before Siddha Path and DARSHAN. I started with some community ed. classes. There was also a class on management and supervision which was taught as part of the continuing education program at the University of Florida. I frequently reflect on another course available then that was on health issues and how that might have helped me with my septuagenarian and later octogenarian mother. Master Charles has told me not to worry about that shit anymore. I know Ram has said that but its good to hear again.
I have work to do at Argosy now. I always worry about work that's due. I had thought that this work, a Power Point presentation of 10 slides, would be due on Saturday as the last week of class usually they turn around the discussion and paper, making the paper due first and usually Saturday and the discussion due Sunday. Well the discussion is still due Sunday with comments on classmates posts due by Wednesday last day of module (and now class) but the presentation is due Monday. How wonderful, two extra days to get this final paper which happens to be a presentation done. Glad about that. I have to present 2 treatment therapies for amphetamine addiction comorbid with alcoholism. Comorbid means to have other illness. Substance dependence is one illness and alcoholism the other. I remember the combining of the two. I knew an older woman that I loved who used the two. She had two young boys and a house in the burbs of Melbourne, Florida. I did speed once or twice in my first college year (I went to a community college so I don't call it my freshman year) so I know the experience. Some of the so called acid I got may also have either had speed in it or was only speed, I figure the former, speed or amphetamine as it is called in class was mixed with it.
Sometimes I just stop and get worried. Oh, better get over and get to doing that right away. It is very irritating. I usually get the work in anyway. What I worry about, the many pages the sources and the level of intelligence of the paper, gets done.
Baba's birthday is coming up. The Lunar on May 14th, the Solar on May 16th. Don't think I want to go to the center. I will take the only satsang which I believe is free but I don't want to go to Gainesville North Industrial Park or see Stefanie, the  little woman whose meditation is so disturbed by MY swallowing of air (belching) during satsang over several satsangs. Can you define satsang. Very important, never miss the opporunity. It means to be in the company of the Truth.
I have these large pictures that cost a lot of money that the center (or was that just Steffy) was willing to store for me since I lived only in my van but they (or is it just Stef) will not give it back. Bureaucracy, red tape. Only Steffy may help you with that. I swear I hate that name and I hate the way she says my name, EDDIE, like many people had to hear it. Does she do it because they once diagnosed me a schizophrenic or told me that I know not why. Say it loud so all my personalities can hear it. It makes one feel like a servant, not
a servant of God, but a servant of theirs and they have a long way to go to realize what they really are.
So, started my day with So'ham japa in meditation which I just do lying on my bed, not in the traditional sitting position, another FAULT of EDDIE'S. Last night I was fantasizing killing her, taking her name to be Tiffany (as in Sessions). Sessions with Stefany. She says she discussed my belching with whom I do not know and it was decided she should speak to me. She did, authoritatively, like a manager who could fire you. It seemed to me that the Shivaratri that this occurred at was her little shindig, a chance to prove what she could do given the opportunity. A variant speaker at the podium, a rather formal piece of furniture for people who wish to speak to a crowd (which there usually only means as little as 3 and as many as 10). That's Siddha Yoga though, that's how they do it. You will see it in a webcast. I would prefer a more classroom like environment. So, I belched. I also was not dressed like Siddha Yoga likes you to
dress. I've been through this since the Informal Center in 1991. You have to dress a certain way, no shorts. That goes for the ashram, too. No shorts. It is a rarefied air in Siddha Yoga. I try to do the work but some things are just hard to overlook, the serious attitude and yet the unserious attention to books and texts or talks. Sure, lots of people there are escaping the unfriendly confines of home and family life, fallings out with friends and unemployment or school failure and just don't have the time to be what we used to call friends. What were friends I am afraid are heading to what is known as drug addicts. I read so much about drug dependency and our need to get our substance and I remember smoking dope every day.  So, all the people who accepted my company and liked me, were they just drug addicts? Maybe a bit severe but I don't know. It's just the reading. I have heard that pot is stronger now than it ever was. I do go back and look and ask myself if I needed pot and why but would I have wanted to be that unpopular as to not smoke weed? Woe, that
would have been just too much for me.

Monday, April 21, 2014

A Comment on a Post at Facebook, 4/21/14

This is a comment I made at Facebook when a friend shared a link to "The 1% Wants to Ban Sleeping in Cars Because It Hurts Their 'Quality of Life' - Depriving homeless people of their last shelter in life is Silicon Valley at its worst.
Because It Hurts Their 'Quality of Life' - Depriving homeless people of their last shelter in life is Silicon Valley at its worst. - See more at: http://xrepublic.tv/node/8505#sthash.fMaBhbQ1.dpuf


Isn't that a bitch? I think they are jealousy of the homeless living so close to the earth, outside every day while they are cooped up in their condos and 3 br ranch houses. It is one great joy I had when I became homeless. When I had an apartment and before that a home, I never got out. I was in looking at satellite TV, overspending because really I was afraid of out there. At one time I had a phobia about public places. I think it contributed to my receiving SSI for a year. Silly me, I thought I was depriving others of the good taxpayers' money and I didn't make the effort to renew. Relationship to going homeless - loneliness. Yes, my beloved Gurumayi says never to use that word but I must. Maybe solitude is a good word. Alone with my mother and father for decades. When both were dead I had no idea what to do. A black sheep in the family, I guess, nobody there would help. Not sure they even knew what that meant. I didn't know so many things. Was I a black sheep just because of yoga, the Guru? I was wild about it, but for years nobody was there to even talk about that with me. Now I am homeless, living in a friend's apartment's living room and learning all about being hungry and needy. My car insurance went unpaid, my drivers license was suspended. I had taken measures to try to learn about my finances but there was much too little help and all very GOP, if you know what I mean. No common shit. For years, I had money and nobody wanted a part of me. It was hard to find that money. It came from my Momma and it wasn't easy to get it from her. I was a client at a mental health clinic but what happened there? I was put on Stelazine, an anti-psychotic. They thought I had schizophrenia? It was two college interns who did it when Kennedy was protesting Valium. I wanted to be in with the in crowd so I rejected Valium and ended up with some real shit of a drug that just made me sleep all the time. I already lived in a sleepy town and sleepy world. No hanging out, no weed, no naked women. LOL. Those were the days.
Because It Hurts Their 'Quality of Life' - Depriving homeless people of their last shelter in life is Silicon Valley at its worst. - See more at: http://xrepublic.tv/node/8505#sthash.fMaBhbQ1.dpuf

Friday, March 21, 2014

Awful Dream

I shouldn't share this with you but I had an awful dream that my mother and brother were in. I made mom very sad. I guess that speaks to my feeling I had deserted her at the end when I did not bring her home after we hospitalized her for a stroke. I should say I hospitalized her because there was nobody else giving help. It was over 7 years ago now.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

One Stupid Motherfucker

Because it is my religion that God is in all of you and so all of you are Jesus, I am counted as one stupid motherfucker. All I can say to that is at least I can pass the fucking TABE.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Beyond Form

So who is the Guru. You think you have found her or him but the Guru is beyond form. The Guru is not just some center or ashram or yogic discipline. Remember the Guru is Christ. The Guru is All. The Guru is I AM. You limit You and the Guru this way. You contract the God.