Monday, July 23, 2012

I feel sorry for one of my new friends. He still can't figure the Hare Krishnas from the Siddhas. He thinks I'm the Hare Krishna when really I'm the Siddha.
He's a good hearted fool though. He gave most of his food stamps to a woman and her kids. The kids were important, you know. They should eat.
He works with me doing the festival thing. We did grilling this weekend. I hate to be negative and I have been noticing how I have looked at the negative a lot. Some of our negativities we don't even notice. We didn't do so well this past weekend and I didn't make enough money to pay the van insurance or even nearly enough. $10 for a whole weekend, helping, driving my van. It's hard to be out there for a whole day especially when your heart is not really into it. I'm a vegetarian and we sell meat and fish. I provide the van so we can get to distant places. They actually had been selling just water and pulled coolers of water full of ice and bottled waters, maybe sodas, to places in town. I think downtown was where I met the chief. I have learned that they do Gator football games and Chief has a license to do that vending in this county.
So, this weekend and last were a bust.
In fact, we had been going to way off places. We were to do Tampa but I was working on getting my license and well I got ticked off about it all. The Chief's debt has been big trouble. He has my stuff in storage, where it had to be if we were going to transport a grill (and a freezer) to these festivals, and he doesn't have the money to pay it. He has been getting a break from the storage woman putting a little money down on the payments when he goes there. I need to get in to get a HD receiver I must return to DirecTV but he doesn't have any money to give to the storage babe. I have the box to return the thing and only so much time to do it. There may be some leeway there, don't know.
I don't know the late fee for not paying the insurance and I have to get my drivers license info changed. MY LICENSE WAS FOUND! But I never had the new address changed and I think that costs something. Strange thing, I don't remember if I paid a fee when I moved to Keystone in Clay county from Melrose in Alachua county. That's what those credit cards were to me. Mom's credit cards. She put me on them and I abused them. I was just calling that acquiescence in my mind. What darkness there was back in the late 70's when I moved back to mom's to stay. I was afraid. Fear does not become us said a Sufi sage. There was a darkness of living in the world. I had no work, no friend apparently, relationships breaking up. I couldn't finish a B.A. and a right wing attitude demanding haircuts and other kinds of exceptionally Nixonian behavior was very discouraging. Then I had difficulty with my brothers and sisters in the counter-culture. I couldn't live without TV and they wanted to live without electicity. Then the vegetarianism got quite severe as I sometimes ate meat at home, at mom's. Besides that I was a chain smoker and quitting was a big subject. How my long haired friend felt about Gay rights was a big thing and yet Bowie had been out since '72, and Ginnsberg made periodic visits to the university and wasn't it hot to see the chicks on chicks in the Playboy. Bowie inspired me to see that action. I had had a night with a tall black dancer, a black man and that always came up. It had its good side as it got me the only girlfriend that I could stay with and she brought me all around the country to Gaskins Farm and the Rainbow Festival and Naropa but some dudes were really pigs about the thing. I was Gay, they said, eyeing my pretty woman, not even giving me the famous bisexual that Bowie was. They wouldn't give Bowie that either. He was Gay to the hard working long hairs who may have been a little country, though he identified as a bisexual.
Negativities. I have noticed how the mind or the samskaras do bring up the negativities. I need to see a more positive context. I went to a state university. Maybe if it was some progressively liberal school I would see this was all just education. This was going to school.
Enough for now.

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