Friday, December 7, 2012

The laptop, the money

A little money from a loan. It helps. Today is my first day with the laptop I bought. Feels strange. What a day. So many emotions. I was attached to having a computer. I identified with being a man with a laptop hanging on his arm. That is, over his shoulder.
I feel especially hyper. I guess anytime you spend that much money, $423.99 you get that nervousness and hyper feeling but then the computer itself is so full of nervous energy, online and all of that. I was sure I was not going to get my math work done until late at night but it wasn't so. In fact it was enjoyable doing my studies this afternoon at the library.
So, I have a computer again but this computer is newer than the one I had. I had bought that, a Dell Inspiron 1420 back in '06. I had a lot of stuff on it, music and pictures but I am putting music on this one now. Listened to Anandatse Dohi today quite a lot. I can only make out the first refrain. I remember Sue talking about it at the center. It was the centerpiece for one of our events. Was it Divya Diksha? Guru Purnima? Baba's Birthday? I can't remember. I remember Mayi talking about form on Baba's birthday I think. Baba was the form she worshipped. He led her to know God without form. From form to formlessness. Formlessness is the greater experience says Siddha Yoga and yet I have been reading some Tukaram who says he is only fooling himself if he thinks he can do without Krishna's form. Or Hari's form. Kabir speaks of Hari and Ram as well. It is the name for God. Kabir speaks of Him as the husband.
So, I'm trying to calm down from a busy day today. Oh, so busy doing the purchase and then going to the library and doing my homework while I burned a few CDs to the hard drive. I need to calm down. Just let me repeat Om Namah Shivaya a while. Let me be. Let me be for a while, please.
I must declare the income I have received on my foodstamp account, I know. Not sure how to do it. Is what I received called an educational stipend? How do I say it comes in monthly, weekly, annual or irregular installments? It always worries me dealing with the FDCF, Florida Department of Children and Families. But this money will not last long. I need a real job. I need real work. UB, The Urantia Book says it is a Christian thing to give work. I must heartily agree. Work those in a big subject and the mind (manas) can make hay with it. Watch out. Let it be. Let there be peace in your heart.
I read some oh, so lovely things in Transformation, Vol. 3. Regarding Shri Guru Gita. Oh, I forgot I chanted that this morning as well. I found a new melody in the man tras reading Transformation or the article on Shri Guru Gita in Transformation. Really it was an article on Baba and Baba's love, the love that devoured, burnt up, Gurumayi. Remember Ashes at My Guru's Feet? This small article explains her poems so well. What love she had for him. She speaks of Guru Bhava, absorption in the Guru. She tells how Baba told one man that the Guru's feet were not literal feet and Gurumayi explained that the Guru's feet are the inhalation and exhalation of the breath. If you can get the might Transformation series into your public library, bravo. It is a beautiful collection of stories and photos.

Sadgurunath Maharaj ki jay!!!

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